It's all about the number 23... eh

No - not THAT "number 23"...

No, not Jim Carrey the comedian-wannabee-serious-actor-&-Oscar-contender
- try Jim Carey, former goaltender-extraodinaire and flash-in-the-pan-never-heard-from-again,
ever since he got traded to the team he should have shone bright for, his hometown Boston Bruins! But that is still not it here - although, who knows; Carey might have been 23 when he got traded to Boston?

Truth is though, we're in the right area or field, but with the wrong individual still... From the Bruins we have to shift our focus (alas) to the arch-rival Canadiens and a man who did WEAR number 23 throughout his career (goalies usually have a number in the 30s - or a "1"... Or a "0" as it so happened! But it is another story...)

The man we are talking about is neither funny (despite testimonial tonight to the contrary - in private he allegedly is... So what!) nor a goalie, no - although he did have a largely defensive role to play in his playing days, being labeled a "defensive offensive forward" (how confusing is that!)

He must have spent, overall, oh, I'd say 23 years in Montreal (in various functions) and yet he STILL doesn't quite speak French fluently!

I never knew, up until tonight, that his middlename was "Michel" (is that a bit of revisionism on the part of his P.C. big sister, I wonder? Maureen Newby -misspelled NEWBIE by the silly goofs of the RDS network; now that was a hoot- is the sis in question and she made a lengthy speech to honor her "generous little brother" who is a saintly uncle to her SEVEN children... SEVEN! She giggled when she revealed that too, in the middle of her speech, to an incredulous crowd at the damnable Bell Center in Montreal! Although she is an Ontario teacher, she insisted to deliver her entire speech in French too... To make a point! Or, perhaps, not to incite another one of those infamous (and senseless) Montreal riots! As a teacher, she claims to have been the most popular of all with her pupils once they found out she was "number 23's" sister... They asked for trading cards, autographs - she would in turn coerce the silly kids into putting in extra efforts and get extra-good grades before she honored their requests... I couldn't possibly refrain to mention here that I once owned "number 23's" ROOKIE CARD (an odd head shot, at a time when they always had medium standard shots of players "in typical face-off position" OR a crude, badly taken "in action" pic...) And so I had that card and what did I do with it? I sold/swapped it for a combination of periodicals, collectibles and cash! No future considerations though! Ha. But I am digressing now...)

The "number 23's" sister had been preceded to the crude podium by another lady, younger with very exotic earrings (too exotic for Montreal!) who is but a "friend" of the family... Ha. HER speech was over-praising "number 23" and all, with the exception of a few French words, in English. At least she and Maureen there DID name "number 23's" deceased WIFE and M.I.A. and presumed to be dead daughter, Laura...

SOMETHING "NUMBER 23" DID NOT DO, INCREDIBLY, WHEN HIS OWN TURN CAME TO SPEAK...!

I am talking about, of course, Bob Gainey, current general-manager of the Montreal Canadiens and former player, coach and G.M. elsewhere too...

Bob took the time to single out his TWO personal "all-stars" - Doug Jarvis and Guy Carbonneau, just because they happen to be the only two guys who centered for him when he played, basically...

DOUGIE and GUY... And not a mention of the wife or the daughter who is also gone?
BOB... What were you thinking there?!?

Fittingly, for most of the game that followed the sad ceremony (anything partly hosted by old goat Dick Irvin tends to be sad - since 1903, maybe?!?) the damn Canadiens TRAILED 2-0... TWO OMISSIONS, TWO GOALS ALLOWED DID YOU IN... So very fitting indeed! (The hometown "Habs" wound up losing it 3-0, while the rival Boston Bruins won a third in a row on the road, 5-3 over the Lightning in Tampa Bay - without any Bruins rookies being arrested for theft or worse the day before the game, like it happened to the Canadiens when THEY went down to Tampa...!)

Dougie Jarvis - he looks more like a BUTLER than a 4-time Stanley Ashtray winner than EVER! The Avengers Mansion butler though has a nicer hairline...!
And GUY... A.k.a. Carbo... That make-believe coach without the slightest clue is a posterboy for DUMB LUCK! How can any man remember to honor THAT and forget to even mention ONCE the woman who bore his children and brought them into this wretched world...?!? (Granted, Carbo is to be equated with Laura - and that may be even more baffling, so I won't get into THAT...)

Several old-timers were BOTHERED to come to this silly ceremony too (which is nothing more than the raising of another carpet up to the ceiling, to collect dust forevermore once all the way up there...) Among them, several guys nobody remembers: Dave Maley, Serge Boisvert (never to be confused with Savard, no) and Mike Lalor... Others are "local legends" of sorts: Sergio Momesso, Lucien Deblois, Ryan Walter, Bryan Skrudland... And then there was Mats Naslund who, inexplicably, boarded a plane for THIS...?!? Naslund ended his playing days with the Boston Bruins but he responded to the invitation to come and reunite with only a few of the lucky bastards of 1986 who stole one (Stanley trashcan) under incomprehensible coach Jean Perron and the leadership of captain Bob Gainey also (oh, and there was that guy, Pat, between the pipes, stealing goals from the superior competition!) So, Naslund came back for this thing honoring Gainey AND the 22nd anniversary (came close to being the number 23, eh) of that travesty... uh. championship I mean to say! And then both he and coach Jean Perron get SNUBBED and outright IGNORED during the whole speech... sheesh! BOB! What a lousy host ye art, on top of that!

They lose the game that follows (to an unimpressive Colombus Blue Jackets team coached by former Gainey guy, Ken Hitchcock. Ken sure outcoached Gainey's OTHER Guy there... HA!) and with the trading deadline approaching, certain players' free agency looming and flagrant flaws up and down his (only two days ago deemed to be) team with "great chemistry this year," we will be able to see how bad a G.M. Bob can be too!

And the ghosts of his wife and daughter are okay with this - they are the temporary new ghosts of the "Forum" at the Bell Center (no Bell Witch jokes intended - at all) and both are pissed off at Bob, I'm sure, for not being even alluded to in his speech there... (Gee, BOB - if you need a speech-writer, I AM YOUR MAN! You could have ended your speech beautifully this way: "this is such a great night, for which I am extremely grateful to all of you here. The only thing that would make it better would be if my wife and daughter Laura were also here to share this with us... MERCI MONTRÉAL!" See - THAT is how you do it, BOB! But, instead, you chose to do it so absurdly and topsy-turvily, by shouting your "merci montréal" right at the beginning of your speech and pointing out that you were doing things upside down on purpose too... No, Bob, you didn't do things upside down; you did them STUPIDLY. Now keep it going and make a couple of bad trades that place your team where it truly belongs: in the dumps!)

To those of you who think that I am being too rough or too hard on Bob here, eh, hockey is a rough game too. Oftentimes quite unnecessarily so (like Bob was in his playing days, sometimes - his entire era sure was) and the omisison in the speech is NOT made up for at all (IMHO) by the fact that all of the Canadiens (were) wearing No. 23 jerseys with "Gainey" nameplates. The Blue Jackets, whose head coach, Ken Hitchcock, was Gainey's coach with Dallas in 1999, each wore No. 23 jerseys for the ceremony that will be donated to the Gainey Foundation, a charitable organization established in the memory of Gainey's wife Cathy, who died of cancer, and his daughter Laura, who was lost at sea in December 2006.

Cathy and Laura had to be mentioned by "Mr. Strong Silent Type" himself there...

That was extremely distasteful and a lack of tact that goes beyond mere etiquette; it borders upon INHUMANITY... And the commercial pauses on RDS didn't help matters much either... In relation to those jerseys' auction, they ran a contest too, focusing on the day's "honor" and the schmuck garnering this honor. This was, of course, another one of those "really easy contests" (in appearance) that asked three too-easy-to-be-for-real questions (basically, the answer, each time, was... Bob Gainey! Duh.) and what is the prize to be won? Tickets and airfare to go see the Habs LOSE to the Bruins in Boston. (You don't think you will win -or rather steal- them all, do you, Hab-nots?) The contest is called "Les Grandes Rivalités" I do believe, and it does focus on the perennial Boston-Montreal rivalry... They showed clips of games and I'll give credit when it's due: the clips selection is evenly picked, as we see many Bruins goals (Neely on a breakway - always a joy to behold!) BUT then there are the dumb acting bits, utilizing the services of one Yvan Lambert (or is it Yvon? Who knows - and who cares!) and Pierre Bouchard, former goon turned brainiac? I don't think so! But he does WRITE - somehow! Anyway... Lambert and Bouchard are in a barber shop, well-groomed and acting vanitous when they are joined by a gruffy, long-haired and wild-bearded mock-Boston Bruins player! The throwback to the 1970s (when many Habs had long hair too!) is an obvious impostor meant to ridicule the competition and, in fairness, they do get him a shave and a haircut... But only to leave him with tiny scars all over his FACE, giving Bouchard the chance to deliver the inane line "c'est la coupe Gerry Cheevers, eh?"
HA. That's right, Piiiiierre, Gerry Cheevers did win the Stanley Cup - twice! ;) Two of the most well-deserved NHL championships of the last 50 years! (There weren't many overall, again IMHO! But that is another story!)

This is annoying, doubly so due to the fact that they used a testimonial from Cheevers during Gainey's ceremony, only to overstate the fact that Bob was physically solid in his bodychecks... Gerry Cheevers was solid too, by his own admission, but gee - he was a goalie! Bob should have been KILLED for DARING to bump into the opposiion's GOALIE! Isn't that the unwritten rule, in the barbaric NHL? Never mind...

Gainey's number became the 13th retired by the Canadiens, who will celebrate their centennial in 2009.

His No. 23 joined Nos. 1 (Jacques Plante), 2 (Doug Harvey), 4 (Jean Beliveau), 5 (Bernie "Boom-Boom" Geoffrion), 7 (Howie Morenz), 9 (Maurice "Rocket" Richard), 10 (Guy Lafleur), 12 (Dickie Moore and Yvan Cournoyer), 16 (Henri Richard), 18 (Serge Savard), 19 (Larry Robinson) and 29 (Ken Dryden).


What - you can't count too, Habs-not?
What happened to the numbers 3, 6, 8, 11, 13, 14, 15, 17, and 20 through 28...?!?
What - no one worth a penny ever wore THOSE - in the "Glorieux" history? Nooooooo - it cannot be!!!
They really could have given one of the many available slots to Yvan, so he wouldn't have to share it with Dickie - that is quite queer, y'know!
Anyway...!

So, number 23 is there now, with the other Habs has-beens...

See if I care...!

The only number 23 I care about is the one in association with Dr. Pepper - right here baby!



And you can ***** the rest...!