R.I.B. - Ramblings In Brief - Marathon Edition
There are far too many annoyances out there - too much crap all over the place, especially when it comes to that Culbec God-forsaken place - far too many indeed to promptly attend to, one at a time, intently and precisely, really... (We haven't had nor devoted time to that in years anyway, here - YEARS! But that is another story!) And why bother dealing with any of it in such depth, really? They are beneath us! Thus, we chose to adopt the expéditive and most efficient method here, permanently: blast it all to pieces, piece by piece, take no prisoners, spare no one - give them no chance to retort! (The comments section remains open, mind you - WE DARE YA!) But while BEING QUICK ABOUT IT like that, dishing out our punishment in a less painful way (the more lethal and virulent stuff goes to the Lambasting Blog!) with only little doses of pure poison at a time... we strike fatal blows nonetheless! (We think!) So don't get us wrong here: in doing it this way, we do not hope that it will be less painful for everyone involved - at all! Au contraire, we hope it will sting, stab, bite and burn even more furiously since none of these topics deserve any more time in the limelight than this (with one glaring exception now and then, really - but, to be honest, there are so few of those it makes one want to cry, really...! But that is another story too...) hence, none of these stories deserved or was dignified with a full post to call it its own anywhere else on the TLB Prime Network - at blogging time, that is!
Hence, here we go again... Brace yourself, Culbec...!
(Never to be confused with Cuba - although we'll be mentioning it, also...)
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Now, we haven't been doing this in a while - be warned!
But, rather, be warned of the right thing here: not that there might be some rust -ha! Perish the thought already!- rather be warned that this will be viciously incisive, this time, because, well... we've missed it so!!! Onwards - and no mercy!
3,000 PEOPLE! Three thousand extra pencil-necked geeks, eager for healthy ways and speedy (as in fleeting, not fleet-footed) fame and glory, took up the challenge and ran the Moron Marathon... sorry, the Montreal Marathon the other day - right! We're thinking back to, yeah aaaaaaaall the way back to September 2012 here - okay? Give us a break! Told you we have laid off the scum for a while here; a loooooooong while! But now we're baaaack!) And so... three thousand Montrealers (for the most part - read on!) who only wish they have what it takes to be true competitors, trying their darn best to emulate the glory and magnificence of the Boston Marathon...! HA!
In fact, it was, most accurately and exactly, 2,764 peeps that signed on the dotted line and paid up the fee in order to be admitted as an official marathoner...! Said fees were announced, most recently, to be going as everything else is going (fee wise, that is) - UP! Who in their right mind would pay close to twenty bucks in order to be allowed to run some insane distance for over two hours MINIMUM - and get the honor of having been there, at the SECOND-RATE WANNABEE MARATHON DE MERDE DE MONTRÉAL... HUH? HUH?!? Well, quite obviously (heck, it is painfully obvious even - is it not, humanoids?) that it won't be me; it will never be me!!! I am far more scrupulous than this when it comes time for me to choose the asphalt upon which I shall sprint, run, dash, streak (not in THAT sense, you filthy-minded Montreal morons, you!!!) and so on and so forth...!!!
If you check out the list of finishers (no mention shall ever be made of the QUITTERS! Begone from Montreal's sight! Oops - there goes half the island...) you can notice that the winner of the marathon was... an American! From Colorado Springs! The top five may be rounded up by a local joe - but he,s not even from the island of Montreal! He's from the other island - ooo, scary - which is nextdoor Laval! In-between these two, comes a Kenyan in second place, an Ethiopian in third and a DOM... DOM? Dominatrix? We're falling into the abyss of the lurid side of these Sodom and Gomorrah of the north waaaaaay too fast now here...! No? Oh - okay - DOM stands for Dominican! Good. Good revenge, as the Dominican Republic, being a preferred vacation spot for all Quebeckers and their crawly North American counterparts all over the continent, has become, in these slimey people's minds, their ''property'' of sorts... It'll teach them that a denizen from the Dominicana itself comes in here and steals the glory from all these wanna-be Marathon Men - that are considerably less than men, at that! But that is another sad story...
Sure, sure, there were three Montreal dudes in the top ten - and one from ''La Baie'' - La Baie? The store on Ste-Catherine Street? Must be the queer I see on the 4th floor all the time - no, queer, you won't have my body! Because I don't swing that way; yuck! He runs around the damn store all the time, from what I saw: and me, I have stopped shopping there since! (What - he was suspecting me of shoplifting, you say? Slanderous slime! But we're digressing now... already and again.) Soooo... I doubt, in fact, that it is the queer from La Baie that came in 6th or 7th in this thing. The three amigos from MTL that took the last three spots in the top ten are true ''québécois pure laine'' - that most certainly say ''quo'ssé'' and ''câline de tabarouette de saperlipopette de cire noire'' all the time - if they weren't so out of breath from all that running around for absolutely nothing. They were 3, then - out of 10, out of many more - and that is, quite simply, a very telling pathetic result. Montrealers: you're not in shape, you can't run, you can't hide (because you're too fat to fit in any hiding spot, most probably) and you, quite simply, suck. Eggs. (Yeah, make it eggs for PG-rating's sake! This blog must be approved by The Blogging Board Authority! Amen!)
For the life of me, I don't know why they call it the ''Marathon Oasis et Demi-Marathon de Montréal, dans le cadre de Rock ’n’ Roll Marathon Series'' - and not simply the Montreal Marathon - period! Rock'n'Roll -what Rock'n'Roll? There's no rocking and no rolling around either - unless it is from the last 1,000 participants who, unable to finish, just roll on the concrete to the finish line or as close to it as they can, in total dehydration and exhaustion, panting like their mayor before he quit amidst 1,001 scandals, Rocking like their infrastructures that collapse with absolutely no warning at all? Rolling like the mafioso bozos who pass huge amounts under the table for continued business and cash flow's sake - before going under themselves, after too much booze, drugs &, er, other things...
So pathétique - so Montréal...
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Back to the eerie glow that emanated from the Golden Globes gabfest there...
What's in a NAME? What's in a LOOK? We've all heard those two before - now, how about this, then: what's in a hairstyle? Or a particular hair styling, haircut, hair... whatever!
The experts of fluff we just mentioned above seem to think there is a hell of a lot in those things - they devoted an entire slideshow to it; again - and they are not alone to think that way: there are millions of hair dressers depending upon this sordid illusion that one should absolutely have a cool hairstyle very much like a celebrity's current hair-do in order to be successsful - or perceived as such!
Because perceptions and appearances are EVERYTHING in this industry - we all know that...
That is just sad.
Sad and pathetic!
Sad, pathetic and untrue!
Jut for the sake of it, let's disprove the silly notion that looking like a celebrity, if only extremely superficially, is at all synonymous with ''success, riches, glory, fame... heck, happiness and bliss!!!''
He did say that he would ''be back''
Another warning that we should have paid attention to - and didn't.
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There's probably going to be talks of making a cartoon out of this next one: Tasuku & Muu - adventures in the living room! I'm probably giving them ideas, too... Not Tasuku or Muu themselves, mind you; but rather their parents or, at the very least, their mother... (Hey - a pooch is adopted into a family, okay? It's like a permanent child under your care, one that will never grow up! So when you have one, you better treat it right because it sure as heck is for all intents and purposes, your dependent innocent child - capisce?!? I am sure that this is exactly how Aya Sakai feels about the littlest of these two - littlest but smartest at this point, too...
Okay-okay-okay... as Joe Pesci would say, back in the day - back in his heyday!
Jamais deux sans trois... They said that in monotonous Montreal and crappy Quawbeck overall, too, back in the day...! So, then, let us apply it here and come back on the sordid subject of those damn Globes - for the third time tonight!!! The third and final time - I promise, I swear! Yeah, I'm telling ya...!
This ''transition Pope'' was never meant to be there for too long - and, besides, according to various prophecies, he was only there to warm up the seat for the last pope. Malachy (a canonized saint, as he is and well should be) wrote that this last pope would come exactly at the number that we've reached now - - and that he would be in league with the antichrist and the devil himself! Thus, effectively, the last pope would be the False Prophet? Some successor this is going to be...
Rumors are that Quawbeck's own ''Monseigneur'' Ouellet may be a leading candidate for the most wretched role of all-time here - could it be that it would be one spawned from Quawbeck there, the so-called Belle Province that hides so many unsightly things, would be the one to deliver the devil's top cronie...?!? That would be disappointing - gee, even the devil itself has lowered its standards, that low...?!? Too bad - for its camp!
Back to the pope though: it is not the first time a pope has resigned. Some may think it is; but the historian in me has to press the point that it is most assuredly not! Most popes stuck with it until they were totally out of breath, it's true; but not all and the numbers are actually greater than what is ''officially recognized'' too... Three other popes have resigned at the very least, the last one to have done so before Ben16 here was... no, not Ben10... but Greg! Greg12 way back in 1417... Another Benedict, number nine, also abdicated at some point; but his was the ''confused papacy'' - the most confused of all (if one makes abstraction of that one pope who was really... a woman.) and he actually ended up excommunicated in the end! Some pope... Pontian and Celestine V (not the female impersonating a cardianl to gain election as pope) were the other two ''official'' resignations - respectively in 235 and in 1294. Celestine's resignation gave the Vatican the means for papal resignation, finally, but this is only the second time it has been invoked, now, in 2013. Before that, the other resignations recorded by history (up to an overall total of ten) were all less-than-approved or forced, whichever the case was due to political circumstances most of the time... And to think Church and State were supposed to have been separated a long time ago! Pontian's sacrifice (for his resignation was not simply a selfish act of abandonment; he had been persecuted under Roman emperor Maximinus Thrax and sent to the mines, to die!) marked the first date anyone can be absolutely sure of in the history of the Vatican: September 28, anno domini 235. Sim - foi em Setembro...
Amazing that all this information is also summarized on such a site as Atheism.com - ah, okay, it's really About.com! Never mind!
Just hours after Benedict XVI announced he was calling it quits, God showed His disapproval in advance of what will be transpiring in the coming days and weeks in the ''Holy See'' - by striking it with lightning! You may still be able to watch the footage of that, if you hurry up and click here!
God Almighty Does give out warnings - plenty of them, too! But do we, morons, heed any of them...? I don't expect this warning to be, either. And thus - onward to Armageddon!
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After so many eyesores, what do ya say we try and rinse it all away (it will be extremely difficult, I'll grant you so much...) with this:
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Since that didn't really... pan out... work out... or come out right just now... Let us try a different approach here! A smooch to eradicate the ghastly-nasty, ungodly image of another! How about this then: the dream come true of every bookwormish shy guy around? And Lord Knows that, if Kate Up is the prototypical ''girl nextdoor'' indeed, there are a hundred times more typical nerdy males on every street corner out there! But they don't want Kate - they'd much rather have Bar...! And, for one such geek, these dreams came true - thanks to Go Daddy!
Poor geek. As for Bar - she set it lower than Leo DiCrapio, this time; wow.
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Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay - none of that has worked at all; the lingering sickness attributable to the images of the pope kissing the imam will not be removed by these methods, no. Let's try something drastic then: no more fake-a$$ teases nor odd liplocks of any kind! Let's just change subjects altogether!!!
You just cannot believe such a lousy public transit system as the STM's - Quawbeck's foremost such system since it is in the ''greater metropolitan area'' - HA.
They have three major lines, see - the fourth one, connecting to the south shore, doesn't really count since it is only three stations long and connects two islands that we can easily cross bridges to attain! So, there are three: and two out of three have implemented this new ''warning signal'' see: or, rather, no you don't! You actually hear the signal, twice; one is sort of a chime that tells of the imminent departure of the train. The second, far more subtle, sounds when the doors close down - and close down they usually do within a fraction of a second! There's really no point in hoping to beat the buzzer in this instance (to use another hockey-related expression so dear to those hockey-mad nitwits that roam the streets there and up north in general!) although you see many squeeze into the train, in the nick of time, between warning sound one and two and despite the crowds, too!
Now that's two out of three indeed - for what many consider to be the main line (due to its east-to-west reach and presence on the true centre-ville; Ste-Catherine Street, mostly...) is the green line and it is completely devoid of any such sounds. It's an aberration beyond description, especially when one considers the fact that vast amounts of energy, effort and expense were injected into a campaign of awareness about these all-new warning sounds; but those exist only on the tiny blue line and on the orange line, which goes all the way north, towards the three stations crossing over to the other island - Laval! But that is another ridiculous aspect of the overall absurdism going on there - we,ll get into that in a second, dread not... or dread it with every fiber of your soul!
The metro is encouraged to attend all the festivals: and in that town, there are a lot. They used to be exclusively held throughout the summer months (well, it's not like there are many months: they are three!)
And, as you can plainly see on the left here, the metro stations are used in a variety of ways - to coordinate the unruly uproar of the masses, day or night, for instance, although the metro closes eventually at 1AM or something; it doesn't run all night like NYC's does (that is a POT, as in cooking pot, by the way; not a trash can, as it could well be...!)
Sometime ago, late 2012, there was a slogan contest going; the STM wanted the people to come up with the best slogan to promote it - and its services to the population! The thing was to underline the decrease in pollution that allegedly comes with the use of public transit; gee, what about the increase of annoyance it generates in each and every user? Yeah, yeah: that's another story... The contest was held through Facebook and entrants could record their voices reading their short little text: which was to be something just about as limiting as the average Twitter tweet, really...
The winner was all about the color green IRONICALLY; some Arabic name came up with the simplest formula of all, in effect stating that ''with the STM, everything was going in the right direction'' not-so-cleverly substituting the word VERT to the proper word that should have been there to convey ''towards' - 'vers'...
Second place also had VERT in it:
And me? Passing by often enough and having my Facebook account linked to this sort of sith through various buddies of mine on top of that, I submitted a GREAT slogan: ''Demeurez avec le Métropolitain - pour un avenir moins incertain - et en commun!'' WOW - you can just see the literary merit intrinsic to it! But would the MORONS judging these things see it? NOOOOO... I can tell you what their thought process was, right now: ''uhh... not enough positivism, eh? People will be confused: whether it is really about our sweet metro or Paris'... Besides, Métropolitain rhyming with incertain - that's BAD! For us! Paris could sue us! Or is it a knock on the quality of our service, there? What, and there's nothing VERT in it...? Un avenir - en commun? Transport - en commun? I don't get the connection... DUH! Reeeeeeeee-jected''
MORONS! From top to bottom, toutes fonctions confondues: STMorons...!
The actual governing organism of this thing, including trains de banlieue and all, is the AMT - no ATM in its core, the AMT seeks to suck up every last cent you have while promising to provide plenty of delayed trains, buses and ''metros'' all throughout the year! It does so while trying to insert a dichotomy between the Laval area and Montreal area, most of all; because such a dichotomy did not exist for the longest time between Longueuil, the south shore that has had a metro station for years now, and Montreal. In other words, you could use the same ''titre de transport'' to access the metro stations, at least - the only dichotomy that made sense being the different bus companies. For example, you pay a Longueuil bus, you gain no transfert for the metro because it is, in fact, the Montreal metro. Then you can pay the metro but you gain transferts to all Montreal buses. If you have a monthly pass, you can hope it covers transportation fees for everything except the one external system: the Longueuil bus! However, nowadays, Laval is not like this: you hop on the metro, with your pass gaining you access, and you can go all the way to the Laval stations. Hey - free trip to Laval! But to come back the same way, your duly-paid for monthly pass will not work on any of the three METRO STATIONS in the territory of LAVAL. They, unlike the lone Longueuil station, are seen as property of Laval, not a mere extension (as it truly is) of the damnable Montreal metropolitan subway lines system! It makes no damn sense!!! But it is another ingenious way for the palindromic-inclined, more-than-just-slightly crooked city of Laval to take some more of your money: after all, those three measly stations cost a fortune to set up - literally an arm and a leg for the mayor, I am sure...
Both mayors, of Montreal and of Laval, have recently resigned amidst rampant rumors of corruption. They're actually more than mere rumors: they're formal complaints and accusations that have been levied against both of them. Seems like everyone and their cousin there are corrupted to the bone! Figures. Laval and Montreal are not North America's Sodom and Gommorah for nothing, you know...
(Vegas? Vegas is just a Babylon wannabe!)
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Mad-Onna was thought to be a crazy egocentric ''witch-with-a-B'' when she asked for millions just to show up on the Plaines d'Abraham and sing for a Quawbeck crowd. How about the Rolling Stones who asked for 8 million bucks for the exact same gig - which is more than double than what the Mad One was asking for!
See, when you move like Jagger and actually are Jagger, you know better: you know, fully damn well, that Quawbeck is most definitely not the center of the universe! You know that it is an unnecessary detour on your otherwise pleasant travel plans. Hence, if they want you to bother coming there, they have to pay up! And if they don't want to cough up the big bucks, well, it's no show! Simple as that!
You recognize my trademark sarcasm in the above paragraph, do you not now?
For Jagger is an oaf, I tell you- most recently, he was one of the performers at the relief concert for victims of Hurricane Sandy - the famous 12/12/12 concert, set up on that date to ward off the end of the world, perhaps? It was supposed to be on the 21st anyway, not the 12th - morons! Anyways... Jagger had the moves all right that night, once again - but his tongue was sadly lacking, big time! No, not that way, you perverts! Groupies don't go for him like Marianne used to, not anymore! He's old - the Rolling Stones are old, ANCIENT! Yet they still wanna rock - pathetic. May no one dare to criticize Aerosmith as long as the Stones are still going at it - capisce? So, back to the Hurricane Sandy thing: Jagger had the total lack of tact and, even moreso, of brains to say that ''the next time it rains on London, it would be nice to have a concert like this, too'' - I paraphrase, okay? But the gist of it is here: he likened an HURRICANE to light rain, to a drizzle falling upon London! He displayed a complete lack of empathy to the plight of these people, making their ordeal sound as it was next to nothing... The worst of it all must be that there are many more like Jagger coming out of the woodwork: worthless wannabe rock stars who are completely clueless about things! Jagger has the excuse of being borderline senile nowadays: what's the new crop's excuse? Idiocy, plain and simple? Come to think of it, in his prime, Jagger was a complete idiot, too! Just ask Marianne Faithfull now - with hindsight being 20/20, she'll tell you...!
The bottom line here is this: you may want to be like Adam Levine an all those starry-eyed Quawbeck fans and wish to ''move like Jagger'' - the Jagger of old, surely... But you sure don't wanna talk like Jagger, then or now! Much less now!
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It reads like a marquee match-up in some old concept WCW-WWe-TNA-NWA-ECW-nWo-AWA (but not FCW - because the FCW doesn't do) pay-per-view extravaganza(s):
Plank! versus Luminous!
Plank? Who or what is THAT?
Now, Luminous we know - that's what you should say, that is! 'Cause you're reading him - it's me, dammit! Who else?!?
But, yeah, seriously - we got into a situation, plankster and I, recently - we couldn't get along and had to get it on! At least this got much further than my ''tantric tryst with tribal tribade Lufisto'' - oh, what a brawl that could have been! But she didn't wanna... Dykey Coward! (Hey - D.C. again! I told you it's everywhere: it gets to be too much! But that's for that other blog; as promised!)
I love to write while listening to music, see? Or really... do you hear me?!? Or get where I'm coming from - at the very least! I am, in fact, listening to some pretty bizarre stuff while I am blogging these very lines - it explains everything, I'm sure... Anyhow... Here I am listening to some radio show on the net while penning my material - and there comes, literally out of nowhere (well, some of you might disagree, but to someone on this side of the big pond and in such close proximity to 21st Century cultural centers that are still shall we say relevant today, Manchester, UK is pretty much ''NOWHERE'' nowadays - OKAY? It's old world, it's isolated in a don't wanna-be-part-of-the-European-Union ugly way, it's a remnant of an old empire that should have never been, it's so archaic it still idolizes royalty as if they were pagan gods, it's out-of-touch with pretty much everything in the world TODAY! It's nowhere - case closed. Long digression over, too.) and, so, out of this NOWHERE comes this... music. And it inspires the Edgar Allan Poe that slumbers deep, way deep within me, a place seldom accessed inside of me, pushing me to get creative in a morbid kind of way - see? I decided to be nice - as a show of gratitude for this music that inspired my writing, so why not help bring more attention to that music in return? How better to do that than to whip up some introduction to it, I thought next, with the visuals that the music had conjured up and impressed upon my mind while I was listening to it, and post that on a widely-known site such as YouTube? I purposefully did it very quickly for two reasons, mainly: I had not vast amounts of time to waste being such an altruistic patron of the arts and I wanted it to be low-key, low-production values since the purpose was to make people want to listen to it, discover it, so then they would seek out the original recording instead. Mine was but an intro; the combination of the music (which was still very audible, don't worry! I'd say ''listen for yourself'' at this point - but it is now one of those videos strictly set to ''private'' - sorry!) and the images was the only true message I wanted to convey there: that combination was the only thing that mattered, really! If this neophyte band gets to gain a few more fans out of it all - hey, I was happy to help! But in no way was I out to get a free ride on their coattails - no way! I never pretended to produce music - I write! I can shoot the odd video, now and then, too... I act! But there hasn't been any attempt at producing music on my part other than songwriting - as a lyricist! Now, their music, as good as it may be, is devoid of any meaning at all if it has not the direction, the words and images as I can conjure up at a drop of a hat! The titles, alone, that they give their tracks strips every track of the slightest chance of achieving true significance, truth be told! Still, they have their fans and maybe they could have gotten some more right there... if the video had remained online, that is! However, now, after the exchange that we had, frontman Dave Vidd and I (Luminous Luciano - as if I needed to remind you?) I sincerely doubt that they deserve any more fans - at all! Ever!
For the dullard had the gall to focus strictly on the recording quality of the video that I whipped up, quickly and with zero intention of passing off as ''my music'' - and, when that silly accusation was handily discarded, it didn't rub off well and he was rude and idiotic on top of that! The only show of intelligence that he displayed was when he had enough common sense to delete all of his comments: alas, for him, I bothered to copy and paste the first flurry of them - just didn't bother to print screen. He got me so mad, I immediately replaced his music with another track randomly found on YouTube itself: the result is, actually, even better and made me think of dedicating it as an homage to the kids that were shot late December in Newtown, Connecticut.
Poor ''Dave Vidd'' never saw the connection...
This feud is now over, with me, myself and *I* the uncontested winner of it, of course, since I cleverly attacked the baddest marketing idea of all the ages (it had to come from Manchester): to go with the name ''Plank'' and affix to it an exclamation mark, to boot. Next to no one will ever bother to realize that they are honoring the memory of two music producers that they revere so damn much with this, or so they claim; and I do not know what is saddest there, really... That they revere their predecessors so, while they are unable to treat their contemporaries with respect even amidst civilized debate or that they lack any sort of imagination to come up with a better, far more commercial name!
And sadder still - it was with this incentive that I finally made use of all the toys on YouTube, to produce this unilateral message to the boys from Manchester - well, at least I assume they are boys...! (They could be misfit mutants, for all I know...)
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There is something going on in the province of Quawbeck all year long, even when it is the dead of winter and there is nothing to do outside, to the naked eye... Me, I often choose to sit in and watch videos, get into arguments with the Dave Vidds of this world, write most of the time, watch a movie, listen to music in a myriad of ways... I can be found braving the cold too, though: as it is a challenge that I am always up to: fight off both the grimey aspects of a big town and the atrocious weather patterns it is constantly besieged with! And when visiting towns such as Montreal and Quebec City, you must be aware of all of these factors - up to the minute updates, too! Because they are so easily overwhelmed by the slightest gust of wind, ice rain or sleet - the littlest grumble from Mother Nature can totally incapacitate all urban activity, I'm telling you!!!
Still, if none of that scares you off, and you are stuck in this winter wasteland for whatever reason it may be, here are a few of the wastes of time that you can expect to falsely enliven your days - and nights;
Igloofest = Ugly pests! The weirdest creatures always come out at night and at these sort of things; this year it was themed after some sort of Viking or ancient warrior homage; everyone was to imagine they had gear like Norsemen or Ninja! The result was more of a poor man's Green Lantern (and he was already quite poor, Ryan Reynolds, poor guy: what was it again - dismal at the box-office, not even a blip on the radar charting DVD sales or even rentals, a ratings-bust as a cartoon too and not enough merchandising either? Ol' GL was a bomb universally, all over the globe! Seems like no joe on the planet thinks that wearing a ring that does everything for ya is the slightest bit... heroic. And to think that the pitch to sell this movie project and get the, er, green light for it, must have been ''it's Star Wars meets Lord of the Rings with just a hint of Iron Man in it! Or Batman - yeah, make it a hint of Battyman instead!'' Sheesh. Gotta feel bad for yet another D-C there! Not. GL can be proud though - his non-success still managed to impress and inspire the insipid, unimaginative and outright inept creative minds handling the marketing chores for that hideous igloofest thing up north! GL and Inuits alike - anyone who loves igloos, basically - can be proud indeed... Not.)
Now, do not think that the graphics were bad: the photos used to promote the ''unevent'' were well done and all... That may sound and look bad, but it was still a heck one heck of an improvement over last year's incredibly... queer colors. Just look at it and remember - it sure as heck is fair to compare when it comes to this sort of CRAP...
Festival Montréal En Lumière - now there is something I can support... almost. For though it has LIGHT in it; it remains the oxymoron it has always been, since its very inception! Lumière has absolutely nothing to do with Montréal - not even when it is broad daylight! Les Frères Lumière were not from there; la Ville Lumière is reputed to be Paris, not MTL (we'll get on Paris' sordid case some other time, too!) and La Lumière (Divine, oui, oui) is most definitely not to be found on the old Île-Marie nor on its alleged Mont-Royal (devoid of any connection to true royalty, unless it invokes the King of Kings Himself with that illuminated-at-night cross resting on top of it; but in a city that's, de facto, 50% agnostic, 30% atheist, 20% a hodge-podge of all sorts of religions and 99% overall into uttering blasphemes on the slightest occasion. There is no light or no enlightenment there, I tell you! All of these festivals are just sorry excuses to try and pretend that their city doesn't suck entirely, even through the coldest months of the year... They want to convince the tourists (and themselves, also) that it is great to come and visit all year-round, that there is *life* every night, even when it's that many degrees below zero - Celsius! (If it was Fahrenheit, everybody would be long dead by now! But these peeps like to live with negative numbers easily attainable: so they adopted the Celsius system there and have frozen happily with it ever since!)
La Nuit Blanche - again, if I am anywhere near downtown Montreal on March the 2nd, I probably will be tempted to stick around all night long baby - WOOOOO! Depending on various factors: if it is between 0¨C and -3¨C (and not -10 or worse!) and if there is no windchill factor to worry too much about (as they call it, it is ''le facteur éolien'' - always got a kick out of that old latin and Frenchy influence seen everywhere!) All night long is easily feasible - if we have bot been sleep-deprived all week leading to this date. Before I was ''Luminous Luciano'' (and, most probably, I was being luminous already: being a light in the night!) I was quite the night owl and would feel it to be a waste if I'd go to bed earlier than 3AM... (It's one of the reasons why the KLF's 3AM ETERNAL is one of my all-time favorite songs! The number 3 became *my* number, too! It's like Extreme said so well: there are always three sides to every story...! But we're digressing again - big, huge, humongous time!)
So, I'll be playing 3AM Eternal all night long during that ''white night'' - another sleepless night by any other name - and surely it will be time well wasted indeed - as it always is whenever we stop by Old Montreal...! (Peter Parker went there once, in the 60s - and he never went again! And now,.. he's dead! But Doc Ock uses his body. ugh! Marvel is just as bad as D-C, I tell you - if not much worse! So much for that latino-afro-American combo *new* Spider-Man that they had introduced months prior, in hopes of getting everyone in geekland represented, identifying with Spidey and satisfied...! The D-C cartel sucks, sure, but so does the Marvel conglomerate - big time! Both of them should have learned by now that their readership is down and it will never get back to where it used to be. Not even if they started transplanting brains into their writing and editorial staff, too... But I just digressed again - eh?)
Next!
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And while we're on the subject of bone-chillling and flesh-freezing activities out in the cold...
Another sordid -if silly- aspect of the neverending ridiculous rivalry between Montreal and Quebec (that's Quebec City of course) could take shape in the never-before-seen clash between two considerably-less-than-titans that, nevertheless, represent each city so very well... Winter time brings about winter blues, eh? How about making the embodiments of those blues all black and blue all over - and beyond repair too? Let's go!!!
Bonhomme Carnaval versus Boule De Neige - jusqu'à la mort! Des deux!!!
(Lookalikes, impersonators and clones are all invited to be beaten down too!)
__stedmond.ca___WTF.jpg)
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Now the real Carnival is lindo - and it takes place in Rio, indeed! Not in some Godforsaken land of sleet, sluts, snow and hoes; noooooo! 'Tis a land in a far warmer climate, chock-full of cachaça, maracujas e rabeiras! Brazil! Or, rather, Brasil - sim, sim! No ''z's'' in there because if that other sleazy town up north is the ''city that never sleeps'' it goes twice more so for brimming hot Brasil, at the very least - Brasil, o pais do suingue!
But they say a picture speaks louder than a thousand words (or something - hey, blame it on the cachaça, okay?) - so here goes...
Next!
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And speaking of butts...
That the one where he over-quotes ''the holy Quran'' like, a dozen times...? Or is it the one where he reasserts his belief that YES WE CAN... (Was it CAN'T all along though? Ah, ask Michelle, will ya...?)
Or is this the time when he finally reveals himself to be as evil as some purport that he is - and unmasks publicly, coming out as the Reptillian quite a few videos exposed him as (do have a look on the link provided, please: it is okay; it is YT!) or the reincarnated evil pharaoh (The Mummy! He's The Mummy! Somebody call Brendan Fraser - he's not doing much these days, he must be available to do something...!!! One thing's for sure: Dwayne ain't coming, that is for damn sure; he's too busy making millions at the expense of the millions and millions of gullible Rock fans that actually support him in TWO DISTINCTIVELY WORTHLESS, TOTALLY UNSUBSTANTIATED CAREERS! Only in Amer-ica... But that's another story.)
In short, Barack Obama always talks a lot (delivering what Ted Nugent qualified as -but I merely paraphrase here- a feel-good, cutesy-wootsy, we can do it and nothing's so wrong with the world as it is hogwash discourse) and, so, he never actually says too much at all; he just says enough to convince, to assuage, to pacify (in the sense of silencing, yes!)
He's a great politician, in that sense - just ask Mitt Romney!
Oh, and as with past years (say, the last twenty, to give but a round number?) the state of the union is... crap.
Because In Odd We Trusted - not in God.
And so we got what we had coming!
=====================================================
That's enough!!!
I'll ramble again... some other time.
'Nuff ramblin' - for now.
+++
Hence, here we go again... Brace yourself, Culbec...!
(Never to be confused with Cuba - although we'll be mentioning it, also...)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now, we haven't been doing this in a while - be warned!
But, rather, be warned of the right thing here: not that there might be some rust -ha! Perish the thought already!- rather be warned that this will be viciously incisive, this time, because, well... we've missed it so!!! Onwards - and no mercy!
3,000 PEOPLE! Three thousand extra pencil-necked geeks, eager for healthy ways and speedy (as in fleeting, not fleet-footed) fame and glory, took up the challenge and ran the Moron Marathon... sorry, the Montreal Marathon the other day - right! We're thinking back to, yeah aaaaaaaall the way back to September 2012 here - okay? Give us a break! Told you we have laid off the scum for a while here; a loooooooong while! But now we're baaaack!) And so... three thousand Montrealers (for the most part - read on!) who only wish they have what it takes to be true competitors, trying their darn best to emulate the glory and magnificence of the Boston Marathon...! HA!
In fact, it was, most accurately and exactly, 2,764 peeps that signed on the dotted line and paid up the fee in order to be admitted as an official marathoner...! Said fees were announced, most recently, to be going as everything else is going (fee wise, that is) - UP! Who in their right mind would pay close to twenty bucks in order to be allowed to run some insane distance for over two hours MINIMUM - and get the honor of having been there, at the SECOND-RATE WANNABEE MARATHON DE MERDE DE MONTRÉAL... HUH? HUH?!? Well, quite obviously (heck, it is painfully obvious even - is it not, humanoids?) that it won't be me; it will never be me!!! I am far more scrupulous than this when it comes time for me to choose the asphalt upon which I shall sprint, run, dash, streak (not in THAT sense, you filthy-minded Montreal morons, you!!!) and so on and so forth...!!!
If you check out the list of finishers (no mention shall ever be made of the QUITTERS! Begone from Montreal's sight! Oops - there goes half the island...) you can notice that the winner of the marathon was... an American! From Colorado Springs! The top five may be rounded up by a local joe - but he,s not even from the island of Montreal! He's from the other island - ooo, scary - which is nextdoor Laval! In-between these two, comes a Kenyan in second place, an Ethiopian in third and a DOM... DOM? Dominatrix? We're falling into the abyss of the lurid side of these Sodom and Gomorrah of the north waaaaaay too fast now here...! No? Oh - okay - DOM stands for Dominican! Good. Good revenge, as the Dominican Republic, being a preferred vacation spot for all Quebeckers and their crawly North American counterparts all over the continent, has become, in these slimey people's minds, their ''property'' of sorts... It'll teach them that a denizen from the Dominicana itself comes in here and steals the glory from all these wanna-be Marathon Men - that are considerably less than men, at that! But that is another sad story...
Sure, sure, there were three Montreal dudes in the top ten - and one from ''La Baie'' - La Baie? The store on Ste-Catherine Street? Must be the queer I see on the 4th floor all the time - no, queer, you won't have my body! Because I don't swing that way; yuck! He runs around the damn store all the time, from what I saw: and me, I have stopped shopping there since! (What - he was suspecting me of shoplifting, you say? Slanderous slime! But we're digressing now... already and again.) Soooo... I doubt, in fact, that it is the queer from La Baie that came in 6th or 7th in this thing. The three amigos from MTL that took the last three spots in the top ten are true ''québécois pure laine'' - that most certainly say ''quo'ssé'' and ''câline de tabarouette de saperlipopette de cire noire'' all the time - if they weren't so out of breath from all that running around for absolutely nothing. They were 3, then - out of 10, out of many more - and that is, quite simply, a very telling pathetic result. Montrealers: you're not in shape, you can't run, you can't hide (because you're too fat to fit in any hiding spot, most probably) and you, quite simply, suck. Eggs. (Yeah, make it eggs for PG-rating's sake! This blog must be approved by The Blogging Board Authority! Amen!)
For the life of me, I don't know why they call it the ''Marathon Oasis et Demi-Marathon de Montréal, dans le cadre de Rock ’n’ Roll Marathon Series'' - and not simply the Montreal Marathon - period! Rock'n'Roll -what Rock'n'Roll? There's no rocking and no rolling around either - unless it is from the last 1,000 participants who, unable to finish, just roll on the concrete to the finish line or as close to it as they can, in total dehydration and exhaustion, panting like their mayor before he quit amidst 1,001 scandals, Rocking like their infrastructures that collapse with absolutely no warning at all? Rolling like the mafioso bozos who pass huge amounts under the table for continued business and cash flow's sake - before going under themselves, after too much booze, drugs &, er, other things...
So pathétique - so Montréal...
Next!
==================================
Grüße aus Polen!
Katholiken müssen zusammenhalten, egal woher sie kommen ;)
Katholiken müssen zusammenhalten, egal woher sie kommen ;)
In Christus sind wir brüderlich vereint! Stat crux dum volvitur orbis
in reply to PolishCatholic1 6 days ago 
All children of the devil - Nazis, Dragons, Skulls, Freemasons, Occult Mafia, KKK, Illuminati, and whoever the HELL else... shall die. So it has been written... so it shall be done.
found in burned cabin: report
Just when I was beginning to think that the guy was a much better live action anti-zero than all of the has-beens that make up, will make up or won't ever-in-a-million-years be included in The Expendables...!
And just on time to see Bruce Willis try and out-do the old ''reality is stranger than fiction'' thing again -and again in vain, of course- as he tries to simply Die Harder... (After all, he is both a renegade G.I. Joe and an Expendable these days...)
The original Die Hard flick was something of a conventional thing in the genre, with just enough of a semblance of fresh air to strike a chord with audiences and trigger their ''ask for more'' brain gland... It generated sequels, a bonafide franchise and a catch-phrase that, now that it has been tweaked with a bit for the PG requirements of this latest remake... er... sequel, yes... we can repeat here, too: Yippee Ki-Yay, Mother F... Russia. Wow. How inventive. The original flick might have been cool to see with it being projected through IMAX technology - but this one, with grandpa Bruce now, in 2013...? I dunno...! Granted that it came very close that the studio gave the original film to old man Frank (Sinatra, yeah - him!) as it was contractually to do so since Ol' Blue Eyes had starred in ''The Detective'' McClane - the first adaptation of the writing from Roderick Thorp. In those days, that gave a star such as the Chairman of the Board first rights on any adaptation that would follow; and, as it turned out, that was what became... Die Hard. Under that optic, Willis isn't too old at all; since Sinatra could have easily said ''yes'' to the role to the original Die Hard when he was a mere 73 years-old - and promptly killed the franchise right there and then! Sure, part of the charm of this entire thing is that it is a ''regular cop'' doing uncanny things, not a mountain of muscle like Ah-Nold (who turned down Die Hard, incidentally) or Stallone (who also turned it down) - but come on... Even with the Rat Pack backing him up, old man Frank couldn't have made it all that interesting trapped in that high-rise building as the plot calls for, in the original flick of this franchise...
Despite all these considerations - gee, these last few years with Red, G.I.Joe, Looper, his participation in The Expendables flicks, Red II, Die Hard 5 now... Willis is coming dangerously close to overdoing it - just like Frank would have.
Don't do it, Bruce; don't be a Rat...
As for Dorner's story - it better never get ''Hollywoodized'' as it is; not with any Expendable actor in the role, not with any unknown aspiring to stardom like Willis once was... His extremely bizarre adventure only reaffirms the very basic core truth that we all know, intuitively, to be an absolute truth indeed: reality is a hell of a lot stranger than fiction. It is really too bad, though; for Dorner's tale could have been a killer role for Willis, were he fifteen years younger - or an even greater fit for ol' Lethal Weapon himself, Mel Gibson, who's in such dire need of a role like this to relaunch his agonizing career. Maybe other actors want this meaty role though: Dolph Lundgren... any number of dime-a-dozen up-and-coming ''action stars''... Steven Seagal (how long has he been itching to make a comeback - huh?) ... Not Chuck Norris though: Chuck Norris doesn't make comebacks; he has never gone anywhere so that he'd need to actually ''come right back'' - duh! Jackie Chan...?
One thing's for damn sure: if Dorner really has croaked -in a blaze of unglory- it is because of the getaway path he chose. Had he had headed north, he would still be alive! For it was obvious that they'd do everything they possibly could to prevent him from ever reaching Mexico, where nobody cares if you're wanted for 1,001 murders or as innocent as a newly-convicted first-time offender... But if he had sought refuge up north, say, in Quawbeck - no one would have bothered him for a year or two or seven! Just ask Léon...! (Although there are nitwits to be found to defend the guy, Léon here was the worst of the worst: not tough enough to do it himself, he roused up the masses to commit the most atrocious, most heinous of all crimes: genocide... He was a hatemonger and, as such, deserved swift punishment far earlier than he is still SET TO GET IT... He escaped his country's arrest warrant for inciting hatred towards the minority in his country, which directly led to the horrible genocide that followed. He came to Quawbeck! And he got the much-sought status of refugee, along with a cushy job in Quawbeck immediately upon arrival there, fleeing the Rwanda torn apart by the fire that he had lit under it! And he remained secure and safe for close to twenty years in Quawbeck! Twenty years!!! Incredible. Only in Quawbeck. If it's good for Léon, it's good for Christopher too! Only wasn't good for Randy Quaid and his wifey, somehow... Then again, he tried British Columbia, not Quawbeck! But that's another story...)
And, so, Dorner would have had plenty of time to regroup in Quawbeck - and fire back.
As it is, though, he most probably just faked his death and has, now, once again, the upper hand on the entire posse that is tracking him down; for he regained the element of surprise...! Dorner is Rambo gone psycho! McClane made Uber! Triple X reborn!
If you believe the news leaking, that is...
Truly better than any action hero flick - ever.
Next!
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Back to the eerie glow that emanated from the Golden Globes gabfest there...
What's in a NAME? What's in a LOOK? We've all heard those two before - now, how about this, then: what's in a hairstyle? Or a particular hair styling, haircut, hair... whatever!
The experts of fluff we just mentioned above seem to think there is a hell of a lot in those things - they devoted an entire slideshow to it; again - and they are not alone to think that way: there are millions of hair dressers depending upon this sordid illusion that one should absolutely have a cool hairstyle very much like a celebrity's current hair-do in order to be successsful - or perceived as such!
Because perceptions and appearances are EVERYTHING in this industry - we all know that...
That is just sad.
Sad and pathetic!
Sad, pathetic and untrue!
Jut for the sake of it, let's disprove the silly notion that looking like a celebrity, if only extremely superficially, is at all synonymous with ''success, riches, glory, fame... heck, happiness and bliss!!!''
Sure, bimbos and tarts alike -
you all wanna look like THIS...
But do you really wanna look like this:
I rest my case!
NEXT! Quick!
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Back to the God-Damn Golden Globes Fiasco - for but a moment. A... sobering moment? Yes - you can bet your candy a$$ that it will sober you up, baby!!! Just carry on reading, sipping from that whiskey, and refrain from typing up nonsensical comments that will quite simply not see the light of day nor be approved by Ty, our cyber censor, wit and muscle on occasion - and overall sidekick of unconditional support!
Say hi, Ty!
Good Ty! Bad Quawbeck! 1-0 - final!
Now - for that sobering moment... How about a word focusing upon the alleged such moment that thespian Tommy Lee Jones had to go through, at the dispensing of the award for Best Supporting Actor In A Film category (which was erroneously described as just ''the best supporting film category'' - by some Yahoo - which brings to mind the question: what in blue blazes is a ''supporting film'' in that case?!? A film that supports its cast - or its audience? LOL Gee, yahoos - think it through before you patch it through: think it through...!!! BUT WE'RE DIGRESSING ONCE AGAIN, DARN IT...)
Two typical former SNL morons were helming the moment - Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig; easily potential worst actor and worst actress nominees in any category, any time - and they started attempting -attempting- to make funny-after-funny about the nominees (including eventual winner Christoph Waltz, who won for his part in Django Unchained, a far less challenging role than the one he defended in Inglorious Basterds, for which he did not win. Makes sense; Hollywood logic.)
The renowned curmudgeonly Jones never wins; not for his flicks with Will Smith, nor for his parts opposite Meryl Streep - certainly not for his turn as one of them ''Space Cowboys''... No wonder that he remained straight-faced throughout the entire lame comedy-bit attempt, especially as the camera panned to him - and then, hours later, he was singled out for it, most importantly by another lame moron who cannot do comedy for anyone's money yet keeps on trying to and keeps on being paid for it - arrrrghhhh - and we're talking about Evil Seth himself, MacFarlane. He's a meanie, that one, and it is well-known too; and so he bothered to go on Twitter to state that the sight of Jones ''laughing uproariously'' at the non-jokes was also, according to uncited sources, the actor's sex face.
This is low, even for a slimeball like SETH. It sets a new standard of crappiness that will assuredly be ever lowered at the Oscars - WHEN SAID EVIL SETH WILL BE HOSTING ALL DAMN NIGHT!!! Oh My - and Billy Crystal was believed to have been a pain... One more reason to shoot the television, I guess?
And, see, this is another excellent reason to avoid calling such shenanigans ''ceremonies'' too- when considerably more than half of the creeps dispensing awards are ridiculous morons that aaaaaaaall come from the school of mirth -and merde- of Saturday Night Live! Ferrell, Wiig, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler - who ever said that anyone wanted exactly these jesters to entertain the kings and queens of entertainment, and the kings and queens of our living rooms, that we are in the comfort of our own homes, each and every single one of *us*... huh??? No one! That's right! NO ONE! If they were so good and so damn funny, we would have been watching them ad nauseam on SNL repeats and shed oceans of lacrimonious waters when each one of them departed the show, convinced as they were that they were going to have a long and lucrative career in entertainment - when they weren't even READY FOR PRIME-TIME YET!!! (Okay; that was their predecessors' schtick, in truth. These guys came after the likes of Phil Hartman (RIP), Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvey (CAREERS - RIP) - and so, they are THIRD GENERATION NOT READY FOR PRIME-TIME BY DEFAULT PERFORMERS...!!! That is beyond pathetic - and nowhere near ''funny''.
No wonder Jones didn't laugh - everyone with half-a-brain would have scowled and remained straight-faced all throughout the sordid, not sober, moment. Because all of those involved in the preparation of this
were undoubtedly HIGH - very much so! And no amounts of curmudgeon quality, such as Jones possesses, would have sufficed to sober these bozos up! Throughout his career, Tommy Lee has issued threats to countless criminal characters -be it aliens or not- and he did so with scowls as well as with line-delivery. Maybe he was delivering one right there to the unfunny SNL alumni as a whole - and to EVIL SETH in particular! Hopefully Tommy Lee will have a chance to deliver on these promises -not mere threats, no- on the set of an M.I.B. 4 maybe... Or maybe even Space Cowboys 2...
Next!
Back to the God-Damn Golden Globes Fiasco - for but a moment. A... sobering moment? Yes - you can bet your candy a$$ that it will sober you up, baby!!! Just carry on reading, sipping from that whiskey, and refrain from typing up nonsensical comments that will quite simply not see the light of day nor be approved by Ty, our cyber censor, wit and muscle on occasion - and overall sidekick of unconditional support!
Say hi, Ty!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Good Ty! Bad Quawbeck! 1-0 - final!
Now - for that sobering moment... How about a word focusing upon the alleged such moment that thespian Tommy Lee Jones had to go through, at the dispensing of the award for Best Supporting Actor In A Film category (which was erroneously described as just ''the best supporting film category'' - by some Yahoo - which brings to mind the question: what in blue blazes is a ''supporting film'' in that case?!? A film that supports its cast - or its audience? LOL Gee, yahoos - think it through before you patch it through: think it through...!!! BUT WE'RE DIGRESSING ONCE AGAIN, DARN IT...)
Two typical former SNL morons were helming the moment - Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig; easily potential worst actor and worst actress nominees in any category, any time - and they started attempting -attempting- to make funny-after-funny about the nominees (including eventual winner Christoph Waltz, who won for his part in Django Unchained, a far less challenging role than the one he defended in Inglorious Basterds, for which he did not win. Makes sense; Hollywood logic.)
The renowned curmudgeonly Jones never wins; not for his flicks with Will Smith, nor for his parts opposite Meryl Streep - certainly not for his turn as one of them ''Space Cowboys''... No wonder that he remained straight-faced throughout the entire lame comedy-bit attempt, especially as the camera panned to him - and then, hours later, he was singled out for it, most importantly by another lame moron who cannot do comedy for anyone's money yet keeps on trying to and keeps on being paid for it - arrrrghhhh - and we're talking about Evil Seth himself, MacFarlane. He's a meanie, that one, and it is well-known too; and so he bothered to go on Twitter to state that the sight of Jones ''laughing uproariously'' at the non-jokes was also, according to uncited sources, the actor's sex face.
This is low, even for a slimeball like SETH. It sets a new standard of crappiness that will assuredly be ever lowered at the Oscars - WHEN SAID EVIL SETH WILL BE HOSTING ALL DAMN NIGHT!!! Oh My - and Billy Crystal was believed to have been a pain... One more reason to shoot the television, I guess?
And, see, this is another excellent reason to avoid calling such shenanigans ''ceremonies'' too- when considerably more than half of the creeps dispensing awards are ridiculous morons that aaaaaaaall come from the school of mirth -and merde- of Saturday Night Live! Ferrell, Wiig, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler - who ever said that anyone wanted exactly these jesters to entertain the kings and queens of entertainment, and the kings and queens of our living rooms, that we are in the comfort of our own homes, each and every single one of *us*... huh??? No one! That's right! NO ONE! If they were so good and so damn funny, we would have been watching them ad nauseam on SNL repeats and shed oceans of lacrimonious waters when each one of them departed the show, convinced as they were that they were going to have a long and lucrative career in entertainment - when they weren't even READY FOR PRIME-TIME YET!!! (Okay; that was their predecessors' schtick, in truth. These guys came after the likes of Phil Hartman (RIP), Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvey (CAREERS - RIP) - and so, they are THIRD GENERATION NOT READY FOR PRIME-TIME BY DEFAULT PERFORMERS...!!! That is beyond pathetic - and nowhere near ''funny''.
No wonder Jones didn't laugh - everyone with half-a-brain would have scowled and remained straight-faced all throughout the sordid, not sober, moment. Because all of those involved in the preparation of this
were undoubtedly HIGH - very much so! And no amounts of curmudgeon quality, such as Jones possesses, would have sufficed to sober these bozos up! Throughout his career, Tommy Lee has issued threats to countless criminal characters -be it aliens or not- and he did so with scowls as well as with line-delivery. Maybe he was delivering one right there to the unfunny SNL alumni as a whole - and to EVIL SETH in particular! Hopefully Tommy Lee will have a chance to deliver on these promises -not mere threats, no- on the set of an M.I.B. 4 maybe... Or maybe even Space Cowboys 2...
Next!
===========================================================
Now right back to the gutter and debauchery we go... LMBO LCBO? Nah - to another province we go - even further away than sad, sappy Ontario!
For our next trick, then, we shall require audience participation here... No, no, you can keep your salacious comments to yourselves, you pervs!!! We need some other form of participation here: a Drex... a MILF.. some spin doctors... And one hell of a Fox - and nurse - when it all calls tumbling down! And it inexorably will; you know it!
British Columbia upstaged Quawbeck big time as *they* not only elected a woman as their prime minister - but she was one heck of a hottie at that! Christy Clark (not to be confused with equally scrumptious and outspoken Candy Clark!) is waaaaay hotter than Pauline Marois ever was and ever will be - and that's a fact, Jack! Try and look at the evidence for yourselves right here:
She's a MILF indeed, in fact - a fact that some shock jock of a radio host underlined and most probably overstated recently, as he was interviewing the B.C. Premier LIVE... The jock's bosses had no clue what he was about to say on the air and... It didn't go so well, but it didn't go bad at all either, as she simply rolled with the unexpected question, stating that she took that ''as a compliment'' and adding, tongue firmly in cheek, surely (and nowhere else - okay? You dirty-minded blogger booger readers!) hence she stated that it was better to be a MILF than to be a COUGAR...! Her comment was heard around the world, it seems - or around B.C. anyways - and, now, is the stuff of legend already!
The ''shock jock'' though didn't hear the last of it either: Justin ''Drex'' Wilcomes was unceremoniously fired by the radio station that employed him for exactly that - the sharpness of his tongue (figuratively, you pervs - figuratively!!!) and so you can be damn sure that he will never again ask any female Premiers (or even mere ministers - oh, the misery) ''what it is like to be a MILF'' during live on-air interviews he may be allowed to conduct, still, where he is now...! You can be damn sure neither he nor anyone else will ever ask Pauline Marois that question either!
However, Drex here is famous for the incident still - as you can see right here:
Radio station fires DJ who asked Christy Clark if she was a ‘MILF’
And so ''Drex'' got fired but, just like a cougar...er... wrong analogy here... just like an alley cat then (one that hasn't had a snowball's chance on hell of getting fixed, surely...) he landed right back on his feet as he got hired very nearly right away by another station,
Vancouver's 99.3 The Fox.
Some observers believe that MILFY Christy there had a hand in getting ''Drex'' fired - and that, now, some spin doctors are making damn sure that there are no negative residual effects from the entire incident spilling out onto her political career... After all, it wasn't just the question that caused an uproar; it was the candid reply to it coming from Christy's mouth that really, truly shocked (she sure is as candid as Candy - sisters, maybe?) for, instead of dismissing the question entirely, she actually went on and on about it hinting so matter-of-factly that it was, in fact, okay and even cool to call her that - even to her face!
Her exact words were: ''you know, I take it as a compliment... it's one of those things...' before concluding
"better a MILF than a cougar."
Ever quick on the uptake, Candy... er, Christy, sure...
Only in Caw-NADA...
Next!
Now right back to the gutter and debauchery we go... LMBO LCBO? Nah - to another province we go - even further away than sad, sappy Ontario!
For our next trick, then, we shall require audience participation here... No, no, you can keep your salacious comments to yourselves, you pervs!!! We need some other form of participation here: a Drex... a MILF.. some spin doctors... And one hell of a Fox - and nurse - when it all calls tumbling down! And it inexorably will; you know it!
British Columbia upstaged Quawbeck big time as *they* not only elected a woman as their prime minister - but she was one heck of a hottie at that! Christy Clark (not to be confused with equally scrumptious and outspoken Candy Clark!) is waaaaay hotter than Pauline Marois ever was and ever will be - and that's a fact, Jack! Try and look at the evidence for yourselves right here:
She's a MILF indeed, in fact - a fact that some shock jock of a radio host underlined and most probably overstated recently, as he was interviewing the B.C. Premier LIVE... The jock's bosses had no clue what he was about to say on the air and... It didn't go so well, but it didn't go bad at all either, as she simply rolled with the unexpected question, stating that she took that ''as a compliment'' and adding, tongue firmly in cheek, surely (and nowhere else - okay? You dirty-minded blogger booger readers!) hence she stated that it was better to be a MILF than to be a COUGAR...! Her comment was heard around the world, it seems - or around B.C. anyways - and, now, is the stuff of legend already!
The ''shock jock'' though didn't hear the last of it either: Justin ''Drex'' Wilcomes was unceremoniously fired by the radio station that employed him for exactly that - the sharpness of his tongue (figuratively, you pervs - figuratively!!!) and so you can be damn sure that he will never again ask any female Premiers (or even mere ministers - oh, the misery) ''what it is like to be a MILF'' during live on-air interviews he may be allowed to conduct, still, where he is now...! You can be damn sure neither he nor anyone else will ever ask Pauline Marois that question either!
However, Drex here is famous for the incident still - as you can see right here:
Radio station fires DJ who asked Christy Clark if she was a ‘MILF’
And so ''Drex'' got fired but, just like a cougar...er... wrong analogy here... just like an alley cat then (one that hasn't had a snowball's chance on hell of getting fixed, surely...) he landed right back on his feet as he got hired very nearly right away by another station,
Vancouver's 99.3 The Fox.
Some observers believe that MILFY Christy there had a hand in getting ''Drex'' fired - and that, now, some spin doctors are making damn sure that there are no negative residual effects from the entire incident spilling out onto her political career... After all, it wasn't just the question that caused an uproar; it was the candid reply to it coming from Christy's mouth that really, truly shocked (she sure is as candid as Candy - sisters, maybe?) for, instead of dismissing the question entirely, she actually went on and on about it hinting so matter-of-factly that it was, in fact, okay and even cool to call her that - even to her face!
Her exact words were: ''you know, I take it as a compliment... it's one of those things...' before concluding
"better a MILF than a cougar."
Ever quick on the uptake, Candy... er, Christy, sure...
The following events went about very quickly - too quickly, perhaps: Drex was fired as Milfy there went off on her Christmas vacation - how conveeeenient. Drex sent her an apology, presumably via SMS or e-mail - whatever! Apology not accepted, it was assumed, as he still stayed fired! However, he rebounded very quickly, as we saw, and got couped up by this other station in the area: and Milfy, the moment she came back from vacation, did give Drex a buzz to wish him professional luck and to thank him for the apologetic message that he had sent her
- that's all according to the Globe and Mail anyways! Milfy's communications director (what a nice job to have, eh?) -a certain Ben Chin- also confirmed that Drex had indeed apologized for putting the Premier in an awkward position with the famous question... And she with all this power and so full of herself as the MILF-ELECT would not have used said power to have him taught a lesson...? Hmm...
Quawbeck and B.C. have this in common - the awkward relationship existing between the media and the governing bodies... er... official hotness... er... elected teases... aw, never mind!!!
We mentioned Ontario earlier? It happens there, too:
- that's all according to the Globe and Mail anyways! Milfy's communications director (what a nice job to have, eh?) -a certain Ben Chin- also confirmed that Drex had indeed apologized for putting the Premier in an awkward position with the famous question... And she with all this power and so full of herself as the MILF-ELECT would not have used said power to have him taught a lesson...? Hmm...
Quawbeck and B.C. have this in common - the awkward relationship existing between the media and the governing bodies... er... official hotness... er... elected teases... aw, never mind!!!
We mentioned Ontario earlier? It happens there, too:
Next!
===========================================================
What's the diametrical opposite of a MILF, now...? Quawbeck may have the answer to that one (amazing, when they have the answer to anything at all...) since they have so many of those specimens on their wasteland of a (very much wasted indeed) territory - and that would be a FIF...!
International examples of FIFs have to be led (by example too, surely) by the one, the only... Ah-Nold.
Now that his political career is over, that his marriage is over, that his life as a Hollywood star is declining very fast, too, he is trying to keep up with the times and, so, he is seen using all the current means possible to get back in touch with ''his fanbase out there''...
For an archaic bodybuilder with chauvinistic penchants, that is remarkable indeed.
Ah-Nold using an iPad to go on a service such as Imgur and exchange pleasantries LIVE with the few fans crazy enough to give him any importance at all - that's impressive, man! The only thing that could be more impressive would be to see Conan The Librarian actually peruse a book - or Conard Le Barbant displaying some wit in-between two bloody brawls - or any other old troglodyte just familiarizing himself with an Apple.
Of course, alas for the rest of us, such exploits bear their lot of bad news - extremely bad news, such as this right here:
What's the diametrical opposite of a MILF, now...? Quawbeck may have the answer to that one (amazing, when they have the answer to anything at all...) since they have so many of those specimens on their wasteland of a (very much wasted indeed) territory - and that would be a FIF...!
International examples of FIFs have to be led (by example too, surely) by the one, the only... Ah-Nold.
Now that his political career is over, that his marriage is over, that his life as a Hollywood star is declining very fast, too, he is trying to keep up with the times and, so, he is seen using all the current means possible to get back in touch with ''his fanbase out there''...
For an archaic bodybuilder with chauvinistic penchants, that is remarkable indeed.
Ah-Nold using an iPad to go on a service such as Imgur and exchange pleasantries LIVE with the few fans crazy enough to give him any importance at all - that's impressive, man! The only thing that could be more impressive would be to see Conan The Librarian actually peruse a book - or Conard Le Barbant displaying some wit in-between two bloody brawls - or any other old troglodyte just familiarizing himself with an Apple.
Of course, alas for the rest of us, such exploits bear their lot of bad news - extremely bad news, such as this right here:
Photo Credits: Arnold Schwarzenegger himself!
Via iPad/Imgur
Getty Images' a culprit, too.
He did say that he would ''be back''
Another warning that we should have paid attention to - and didn't.
Next!
===========================================================
There's probably going to be talks of making a cartoon out of this next one: Tasuku & Muu - adventures in the living room! I'm probably giving them ideas, too... Not Tasuku or Muu themselves, mind you; but rather their parents or, at the very least, their mother... (Hey - a pooch is adopted into a family, okay? It's like a permanent child under your care, one that will never grow up! So when you have one, you better treat it right because it sure as heck is for all intents and purposes, your dependent innocent child - capisce?!? I am sure that this is exactly how Aya Sakai feels about the littlest of these two - littlest but smartest at this point, too...
Who is Aya Sakai? The boy's mother, of course - and the reason why young Tasuku and the nice doggy next to him nearly at all times, are famous worldwide now! They're seen via Instagram. They're seen on Facebook. They were featured on Yahoo (click the photo above) and various TV shows by now... And everyone's hearts have melted at the sight of these two cutesies! Aww...!
Ha! I was cuter than that with my plush toys! But that's another story...
But look at the doggy on the picture below: he seems to be the only one aware of the intrusion of the camera into their carefree lives! Clearly the most smart-alecky of this pair, Muu feels, quite visibly, trapped in there; trapped by a paparazzi who is the one he can trust in fact, as it sure ain't Tasuku that brings in the grub to grab, pours fresh water into his bowl or picks up his poopoo...!
What would possess this mother to violate her boy's privacy like this? ($)
And, even more puzzling surely, what would possess her to get for her child such a pet - a French Bulldog? But I am sure that that is the only semblance of a tie to Quawbeck - and that this cutesy-wootsy and smartsy-pantsy pooch does not hail from there...!
Next!
===========================================================
Speaking of children, though... Makes me think that they are, perhaps, an endangered species for, as the folks in Quawbeck say, ''deux gars ou deux filles, ensemble, ça fait pas des enfants forts!''
The Maine Dude will now have to take a hike for the dykes have won and, now, any damsel in the state can instead tie the know with her Maine Squeeze there - which could well be The Maine Woman instead! And vice-versa... Tribades - on par - emulate! Because that's pretty much all that you can do, come on now, admit it! Such pairings cannot possibly procreate with any sort of ease and without any long list of complications - just ask Elton...
Maine has legalized what many other states still criminalize or, at the very least, marginalize; which makes us all wonder about something here... Is New England, over all, once again leading their nation towards a ''new era of freedom'' - that, say, Philadelphia will take credit for and Washington will adopt and make it all its own ''idea'' - AGAIN?
Who really cares?
Lesbian weddings must be fun, though; it has to be nice to attend such a thing where you can actually kiss BOTH... er... cannot say/dare not say ''bride and groom'' here... will not say ''bride and bride'' - that's just queer...er... strange... er... odd... so then may I cite the writer's prerogative and make up a new word here and now for this occasion as well as (if not mostly for) the male equivalency thereof - and call them, er, active and fully-willing participants in these weddings the... drum roll, please... ''broom and broom''... TA-DA!
So, sure, I'll kiss the les broom and broom - on the cheek, not on the lips!
Maine is not all that far from Quawbeck - except all those French Canadienne Lesbiennes and Québécois Queers to come on down, flocks of them, in order to ''get ma-a-a-rried'' now...
Ironically, Quawbeck's forerunners and eternal ''cousins'' (not kissing - no kidding) are also debating about this very same dilemma these days... Wait a minute... Une seconde, merde... Parbleu! This just in: they also approved this thing! It will be legal for toutes les gouines de Paris et tous les pédés de Marseille to tie the knot as well! Ah ben... Just in time for St-Valentine's Day... en plus! Pas croyable...
Speaking of children, though... Makes me think that they are, perhaps, an endangered species for, as the folks in Quawbeck say, ''deux gars ou deux filles, ensemble, ça fait pas des enfants forts!''
The Maine Dude will now have to take a hike for the dykes have won and, now, any damsel in the state can instead tie the know with her Maine Squeeze there - which could well be The Maine Woman instead! And vice-versa... Tribades - on par - emulate! Because that's pretty much all that you can do, come on now, admit it! Such pairings cannot possibly procreate with any sort of ease and without any long list of complications - just ask Elton...
Maine has legalized what many other states still criminalize or, at the very least, marginalize; which makes us all wonder about something here... Is New England, over all, once again leading their nation towards a ''new era of freedom'' - that, say, Philadelphia will take credit for and Washington will adopt and make it all its own ''idea'' - AGAIN?
Who really cares?
Lesbian weddings must be fun, though; it has to be nice to attend such a thing where you can actually kiss BOTH... er... cannot say/dare not say ''bride and groom'' here... will not say ''bride and bride'' - that's just queer...er... strange... er... odd... so then may I cite the writer's prerogative and make up a new word here and now for this occasion as well as (if not mostly for) the male equivalency thereof - and call them, er, active and fully-willing participants in these weddings the... drum roll, please... ''broom and broom''... TA-DA!
So, sure, I'll kiss the les broom and broom - on the cheek, not on the lips!
Maine is not all that far from Quawbeck - except all those French Canadienne Lesbiennes and Québécois Queers to come on down, flocks of them, in order to ''get ma-a-a-rried'' now...
Ironically, Quawbeck's forerunners and eternal ''cousins'' (not kissing - no kidding) are also debating about this very same dilemma these days... Wait a minute... Une seconde, merde... Parbleu! This just in: they also approved this thing! It will be legal for toutes les gouines de Paris et tous les pédés de Marseille to tie the knot as well! Ah ben... Just in time for St-Valentine's Day... en plus! Pas croyable...
Maine Has Just Legalized GAY Marriage - Nov.6, 2012
Lauren Snead & Katy Jayne are elated -
the L Word missed out on this one!
Joel Page Photog - AP
It's the end of the world.
Next!
Next!
===========================================================
It's quite ironic to note that, while the world may be ending indeed, all the bringers of doom and gloom themselves want to do but one thing: travel the doomed world! Be it these lesbians without brains that we just spoke of, or politicians without morals, or industrialists without scruples or worse still - they're all out there and they're all over the planet, travelling as if there were quite literally no tomorrow...!
From this to the formulation of some oddball theory that they're on to something there is but one hop to make that this bunny will gladly make right here, right now - pronto! But that's another story...
And, each year, all of these chaps and undefined humanoids choose to go to either one of two places, really: it is always either the Dominicana or Cuba. Dominicana or Cuba. Dominicana or Cuba... Arrrrggghhh! D or C, basically! Because A or B are just too high on the alphabet for any of them...? Because the lowest common denominator always thinks alike - and is redundant by nature? Because it's the only two places that will welcome them, most probably! Whatever the reason, this infernal ''D-C schema'' has once again annoyed my entourage to the extreme; s much so that I've been asked to deal with it, once an for all; for you see, it appears that at every turn, when something sucks royally, there is something ''D-C'' about it... I promised to address that once and for all and I shall do so here, on the web... in the blogosphere... within the TLB Prime Network once again! Expect it soon, on a certain taste-testing blog...! But enough with this digression... conards!
Damn it people; can't you see you're being had, time and time again? There may be a dozen variations on the same two tired old themes there (Punta Cana, Puerto Plata and Playa Del Macao -not Macaco- for one and Varadero, Holguin and Isla de la Juventud for the other - to name but those!) but the lone sure thing is the SUN - and even that is not 100% good for you! (Hey, nothing out of moderation is any good - capisce? Lest you want to get acquainted with a new spanish word: melanoma! How about cholera and malaria? Didn't think you did!)
Air France, TAP, Air Canada, SATA, Air Transat, CanJet and the most insipid of all... SunWing... all of those airline companies that offer you always less and less for more and more moolah! Some of them don't even have first class! Why would they, actually; when they specialize in transporting the rabble from point *A* to point *B* there is no real incentive to provide quality of any kind - you just want to get to your destination in one piece, that's all!
Those resorts, the famous ''all-inclusives'' that add to your final price everything else, almost: from all-you-can-eat to all-you-can-drink all the way to room service... They so cleverly find more and more ingenious ways to drain more and more cash out of you, with wine bottles not part of this deal when you have dinner in one of their ''gourmet restaurants'' which, strangely enough, shares the exact same chef as the resort's basic buffet joint...! With all of those other ''side-offerings'' on site; boutiques stashed with overpriced crap, spas and massage parlors, golf courses, casinos for the gamblers as well as drunkards... In the end, you've spent almost double the amount that you were originally given as the final price, in that ''all-inclusive'' place...! And that can even get worse when you factor in even more extras: potential excursions, for tour vendors from the outside are admitted into the resort premises for the sole purpose of peddling to you! And then there are nearby so-called ''markets'', usually accessible via the beach, where locals assemble in shacks of fortune to peddle their often hand-crafted artisanal crap...! The only good thing about it is that they, at least, have negotiable prices - however, why negotiate at all for something you don't even really WANT in the first damn place?!? Each time, it's more like a donacion to the local populace - all in the vain hopes of making this time away from the daily routine last forever...?
And then there is the worst aspect of all this charade: customs. Times two. A charade it is, as this game we play with all those latinos down there who say ''olà'' at a drop of a peso (or 50, minimum) is such a farce of extreme bad taste... They don't care about you, ''amigo'' - and they never will! All they want is your hard-earned and harder-exchanged pesos!!! And they hope that you will be dumb enough to be a return-customer, too! With customs, everything comes back to normal real quick: the illusion is stripped right off as customs agents and border patrol thugs show their true faces: for they don't have to pretend anything! They simply do their job, which is to piss you off, basically. And that they do magnificently well indeed...! It is said that, whatever you do you should do it well; undoubtedly these guys and gals have found their vocation... Imagine that: to be a legalized thug, one who confiscates such harmless things as baseballs, perfumes and pincettes -not to mention the booze; the booze!- all things that you can then readily purchase before boarding the plane at the duty free shops set up strategically next to each and every gate leading to the aforementioned crappy airlines' jets awaiting thee for another 50/50 chance glide...! If that is not an insidious, bottom-line diabolical way to stimulate the economy there, I don't know what a jet plane looks like!!!
And then, once you're back home, you'll still be pooping Dominican or Cuban cuisine for the next 72 to 96 hours...! And you can be happy if it isn't diarrhea! That, more than anything else, will be the hardcore (even if porridge-like) evidence that you have been on vacation alright...!!!
Next!
It's quite ironic to note that, while the world may be ending indeed, all the bringers of doom and gloom themselves want to do but one thing: travel the doomed world! Be it these lesbians without brains that we just spoke of, or politicians without morals, or industrialists without scruples or worse still - they're all out there and they're all over the planet, travelling as if there were quite literally no tomorrow...!
From this to the formulation of some oddball theory that they're on to something there is but one hop to make that this bunny will gladly make right here, right now - pronto! But that's another story...
And, each year, all of these chaps and undefined humanoids choose to go to either one of two places, really: it is always either the Dominicana or Cuba. Dominicana or Cuba. Dominicana or Cuba... Arrrrggghhh! D or C, basically! Because A or B are just too high on the alphabet for any of them...? Because the lowest common denominator always thinks alike - and is redundant by nature? Because it's the only two places that will welcome them, most probably! Whatever the reason, this infernal ''D-C schema'' has once again annoyed my entourage to the extreme; s much so that I've been asked to deal with it, once an for all; for you see, it appears that at every turn, when something sucks royally, there is something ''D-C'' about it... I promised to address that once and for all and I shall do so here, on the web... in the blogosphere... within the TLB Prime Network once again! Expect it soon, on a certain taste-testing blog...! But enough with this digression... conards!
Damn it people; can't you see you're being had, time and time again? There may be a dozen variations on the same two tired old themes there (Punta Cana, Puerto Plata and Playa Del Macao -not Macaco- for one and Varadero, Holguin and Isla de la Juventud for the other - to name but those!) but the lone sure thing is the SUN - and even that is not 100% good for you! (Hey, nothing out of moderation is any good - capisce? Lest you want to get acquainted with a new spanish word: melanoma! How about cholera and malaria? Didn't think you did!)
Air France, TAP, Air Canada, SATA, Air Transat, CanJet and the most insipid of all... SunWing... all of those airline companies that offer you always less and less for more and more moolah! Some of them don't even have first class! Why would they, actually; when they specialize in transporting the rabble from point *A* to point *B* there is no real incentive to provide quality of any kind - you just want to get to your destination in one piece, that's all!
Those resorts, the famous ''all-inclusives'' that add to your final price everything else, almost: from all-you-can-eat to all-you-can-drink all the way to room service... They so cleverly find more and more ingenious ways to drain more and more cash out of you, with wine bottles not part of this deal when you have dinner in one of their ''gourmet restaurants'' which, strangely enough, shares the exact same chef as the resort's basic buffet joint...! With all of those other ''side-offerings'' on site; boutiques stashed with overpriced crap, spas and massage parlors, golf courses, casinos for the gamblers as well as drunkards... In the end, you've spent almost double the amount that you were originally given as the final price, in that ''all-inclusive'' place...! And that can even get worse when you factor in even more extras: potential excursions, for tour vendors from the outside are admitted into the resort premises for the sole purpose of peddling to you! And then there are nearby so-called ''markets'', usually accessible via the beach, where locals assemble in shacks of fortune to peddle their often hand-crafted artisanal crap...! The only good thing about it is that they, at least, have negotiable prices - however, why negotiate at all for something you don't even really WANT in the first damn place?!? Each time, it's more like a donacion to the local populace - all in the vain hopes of making this time away from the daily routine last forever...?
And then there is the worst aspect of all this charade: customs. Times two. A charade it is, as this game we play with all those latinos down there who say ''olà'' at a drop of a peso (or 50, minimum) is such a farce of extreme bad taste... They don't care about you, ''amigo'' - and they never will! All they want is your hard-earned and harder-exchanged pesos!!! And they hope that you will be dumb enough to be a return-customer, too! With customs, everything comes back to normal real quick: the illusion is stripped right off as customs agents and border patrol thugs show their true faces: for they don't have to pretend anything! They simply do their job, which is to piss you off, basically. And that they do magnificently well indeed...! It is said that, whatever you do you should do it well; undoubtedly these guys and gals have found their vocation... Imagine that: to be a legalized thug, one who confiscates such harmless things as baseballs, perfumes and pincettes -not to mention the booze; the booze!- all things that you can then readily purchase before boarding the plane at the duty free shops set up strategically next to each and every gate leading to the aforementioned crappy airlines' jets awaiting thee for another 50/50 chance glide...! If that is not an insidious, bottom-line diabolical way to stimulate the economy there, I don't know what a jet plane looks like!!!
And then, once you're back home, you'll still be pooping Dominican or Cuban cuisine for the next 72 to 96 hours...! And you can be happy if it isn't diarrhea! That, more than anything else, will be the hardcore (even if porridge-like) evidence that you have been on vacation alright...!!!
Watch out for unwanted roommates, too;
for, one of these hot nights, some unsightly miniature wraith
can fly in and keep you company...
Next!
===========================================================
Okay-okay-okay... as Joe Pesci would say, back in the day - back in his heyday!
Jamais deux sans trois... They said that in monotonous Montreal and crappy Quawbeck overall, too, back in the day...! So, then, let us apply it here and come back on the sordid subject of those damn Globes - for the third time tonight!!! The third and final time - I promise, I swear! Yeah, I'm telling ya...!
Yeah, sure, click on the dual picture above
for a complete list of the 2013 winners:
just expect a lot of atrocities along the way,
such as misspelling the name of Cecil B. De Mille
because it was Jodie Foster winning a G.G.
named after the former,
and she's an amazon-type of lesbian
- so let's pretend Cecil was female, why not!
He may have been gay - but he wasn't a twat!
Silly Yahoos...
I know, I know;
I should stop picking on yahoos
and start DIGGing into
other TWITS that get
their facts all...
what's the opposite of straight,
again...?
And speaking of which:
photo credits - UNKNOWN!
So leave me alone - CAPISCE?
Tina & Amy
To quote that British sidekick now,
why didn't those two just kiss
and shut up?
It would have been a hell of a lot funnier
- and not the slightest bit titillating either!
They had a very easy job that night
and they failed completely at it:
be funny and distribute the awards.
I bet they gave some to the wrong peeps;
yeah, they were that bad
- and that high!
Must have felt like an SNL reunion party...
So many movies feel like that nowadays;
that's how bad Hollywood has gotten...
So, in the light of all this, am I even going to bother with the Oscars, at all?
You can guess - N... O... HELL NO!
Next!
===========================================================
The Pope!
You knew that he had to be thrown in here, too - just for good measure!
The rumor running around is that he heard his Boss wanted to fire him, so he quit. Get it? His Boss... That's God Himself, you twit! And the only way God fires His popes is by summoning them back - back to Heaven, presumably (although some so-called visionaries claim to have gotten sight of John-Paul II in hell instead...? But those are just silly rumors now...) and so... Oh, never mind!
The rumor running around is that he heard his Boss wanted to fire him, so he quit. Get it? His Boss... That's God Himself, you twit! And the only way God fires His popes is by summoning them back - back to Heaven, presumably (although some so-called visionaries claim to have gotten sight of John-Paul II in hell instead...? But those are just silly rumors now...) and so... Oh, never mind!
Wow - the old coot actually resigned! All those atrocious comparisons with the Emperor of Star Wars lore must have gotten to him, I guess! Ridiculous theory, you dare think as you read these lines? You dare imply that, first, he is insensitive to such crap and, second, that I would formulate or give credence to ridiculous, here, amidst my sacrosanct rants and rambles in writ...?!? How dare you...?!?
I swear, I ought to...
Never mind - let's just recap, very quickly, what that mere *theory* has unleashed upon the web during this very short but eventful, it would seem, papal reign...
I definitely think we have seen enough! It's time to curtsey and head for the backstage alright, Pops!
I ought to remind you, actually, that the silliest notion of all invoked (in jest - in total, complete, utter farcical parodical jest - I really do hope so!) to justify and explain the Pope's apparent loss of faith (although it is really just a lack of intestinal fortitude - due to advanced age!) was indeed that dumber-than-dumbest ''article'' that appeared -online, again- about the Pope... and Chris Brown. (What? You really expected me to insert a link to this here?!? Not in this blogging lifetime, baby! Google the crap - and good luck not finding it!)
Never mind - let's just recap, very quickly, what that mere *theory* has unleashed upon the web during this very short but eventful, it would seem, papal reign...
Oh no - please DON'T kiss.. DON'T!
I ought to remind you, actually, that the silliest notion of all invoked (in jest - in total, complete, utter farcical parodical jest - I really do hope so!) to justify and explain the Pope's apparent loss of faith (although it is really just a lack of intestinal fortitude - due to advanced age!) was indeed that dumber-than-dumbest ''article'' that appeared -online, again- about the Pope... and Chris Brown. (What? You really expected me to insert a link to this here?!? Not in this blogging lifetime, baby! Google the crap - and good luck not finding it!)
This ''transition Pope'' was never meant to be there for too long - and, besides, according to various prophecies, he was only there to warm up the seat for the last pope. Malachy (a canonized saint, as he is and well should be) wrote that this last pope would come exactly at the number that we've reached now - - and that he would be in league with the antichrist and the devil himself! Thus, effectively, the last pope would be the False Prophet? Some successor this is going to be...
Rumors are that Quawbeck's own ''Monseigneur'' Ouellet may be a leading candidate for the most wretched role of all-time here - could it be that it would be one spawned from Quawbeck there, the so-called Belle Province that hides so many unsightly things, would be the one to deliver the devil's top cronie...?!? That would be disappointing - gee, even the devil itself has lowered its standards, that low...?!? Too bad - for its camp!
Back to the pope though: it is not the first time a pope has resigned. Some may think it is; but the historian in me has to press the point that it is most assuredly not! Most popes stuck with it until they were totally out of breath, it's true; but not all and the numbers are actually greater than what is ''officially recognized'' too... Three other popes have resigned at the very least, the last one to have done so before Ben16 here was... no, not Ben10... but Greg! Greg12 way back in 1417... Another Benedict, number nine, also abdicated at some point; but his was the ''confused papacy'' - the most confused of all (if one makes abstraction of that one pope who was really... a woman.) and he actually ended up excommunicated in the end! Some pope... Pontian and Celestine V (not the female impersonating a cardianl to gain election as pope) were the other two ''official'' resignations - respectively in 235 and in 1294. Celestine's resignation gave the Vatican the means for papal resignation, finally, but this is only the second time it has been invoked, now, in 2013. Before that, the other resignations recorded by history (up to an overall total of ten) were all less-than-approved or forced, whichever the case was due to political circumstances most of the time... And to think Church and State were supposed to have been separated a long time ago! Pontian's sacrifice (for his resignation was not simply a selfish act of abandonment; he had been persecuted under Roman emperor Maximinus Thrax and sent to the mines, to die!) marked the first date anyone can be absolutely sure of in the history of the Vatican: September 28, anno domini 235. Sim - foi em Setembro...
Amazing that all this information is also summarized on such a site as Atheism.com - ah, okay, it's really About.com! Never mind!
Just hours after Benedict XVI announced he was calling it quits, God showed His disapproval in advance of what will be transpiring in the coming days and weeks in the ''Holy See'' - by striking it with lightning! You may still be able to watch the footage of that, if you hurry up and click here!
God Almighty Does give out warnings - plenty of them, too! But do we, morons, heed any of them...? I don't expect this warning to be, either. And thus - onward to Armageddon!
Next!
=====================================================
After so many eyesores, what do ya say we try and rinse it all away (it will be extremely difficult, I'll grant you so much...) with this:
Hmm... Okay...
What rinsing is this, really?
If it wasn't for her breasts,
there's nothing curvaceous there,
nothing truly enticing there,
nothing like real, unadulterated man appeal,
no curves to save the emaciated look,
no real woman there at all...!!!
But then, this S.I. tradition
was never advertising itself as being about
sex appeal at all -
it is all about the swimsuit.
Or the part of it that's not missing -
one or the other;
it's the reader's call, really!
=====================================================
Since that didn't really... pan out... work out... or come out right just now... Let us try a different approach here! A smooch to eradicate the ghastly-nasty, ungodly image of another! How about this then: the dream come true of every bookwormish shy guy around? And Lord Knows that, if Kate Up is the prototypical ''girl nextdoor'' indeed, there are a hundred times more typical nerdy males on every street corner out there! But they don't want Kate - they'd much rather have Bar...! And, for one such geek, these dreams came true - thanks to Go Daddy!
Poor geek. As for Bar - she set it lower than Leo DiCrapio, this time; wow.
No - it's not lesbians kissing - at all.
It's super-model Bar Refaeli
locking lips 47 times
with a super-nerd
just to get
one take
''right''.
Next!
======================================================
Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay - none of that has worked at all; the lingering sickness attributable to the images of the pope kissing the imam will not be removed by these methods, no. Let's try something drastic then: no more fake-a$$ teases nor odd liplocks of any kind! Let's just change subjects altogether!!!
They have three major lines, see - the fourth one, connecting to the south shore, doesn't really count since it is only three stations long and connects two islands that we can easily cross bridges to attain! So, there are three: and two out of three have implemented this new ''warning signal'' see: or, rather, no you don't! You actually hear the signal, twice; one is sort of a chime that tells of the imminent departure of the train. The second, far more subtle, sounds when the doors close down - and close down they usually do within a fraction of a second! There's really no point in hoping to beat the buzzer in this instance (to use another hockey-related expression so dear to those hockey-mad nitwits that roam the streets there and up north in general!) although you see many squeeze into the train, in the nick of time, between warning sound one and two and despite the crowds, too!
Now that's two out of three indeed - for what many consider to be the main line (due to its east-to-west reach and presence on the true centre-ville; Ste-Catherine Street, mostly...) is the green line and it is completely devoid of any such sounds. It's an aberration beyond description, especially when one considers the fact that vast amounts of energy, effort and expense were injected into a campaign of awareness about these all-new warning sounds; but those exist only on the tiny blue line and on the orange line, which goes all the way north, towards the three stations crossing over to the other island - Laval! But that is another ridiculous aspect of the overall absurdism going on there - we,ll get into that in a second, dread not... or dread it with every fiber of your soul!
The metro is encouraged to attend all the festivals: and in that town, there are a lot. They used to be exclusively held throughout the summer months (well, it's not like there are many months: they are three!)
And, as you can plainly see on the left here, the metro stations are used in a variety of ways - to coordinate the unruly uproar of the masses, day or night, for instance, although the metro closes eventually at 1AM or something; it doesn't run all night like NYC's does (that is a POT, as in cooking pot, by the way; not a trash can, as it could well be...!)
Sometime ago, late 2012, there was a slogan contest going; the STM wanted the people to come up with the best slogan to promote it - and its services to the population! The thing was to underline the decrease in pollution that allegedly comes with the use of public transit; gee, what about the increase of annoyance it generates in each and every user? Yeah, yeah: that's another story... The contest was held through Facebook and entrants could record their voices reading their short little text: which was to be something just about as limiting as the average Twitter tweet, really...
The winner was all about the color green IRONICALLY; some Arabic name came up with the simplest formula of all, in effect stating that ''with the STM, everything was going in the right direction'' not-so-cleverly substituting the word VERT to the proper word that should have been there to convey ''towards' - 'vers'...
Second place also had VERT in it:
And me? Passing by often enough and having my Facebook account linked to this sort of sith through various buddies of mine on top of that, I submitted a GREAT slogan: ''Demeurez avec le Métropolitain - pour un avenir moins incertain - et en commun!'' WOW - you can just see the literary merit intrinsic to it! But would the MORONS judging these things see it? NOOOOO... I can tell you what their thought process was, right now: ''uhh... not enough positivism, eh? People will be confused: whether it is really about our sweet metro or Paris'... Besides, Métropolitain rhyming with incertain - that's BAD! For us! Paris could sue us! Or is it a knock on the quality of our service, there? What, and there's nothing VERT in it...? Un avenir - en commun? Transport - en commun? I don't get the connection... DUH! Reeeeeeeee-jected''
MORONS! From top to bottom, toutes fonctions confondues: STMorons...!
The actual governing organism of this thing, including trains de banlieue and all, is the AMT - no ATM in its core, the AMT seeks to suck up every last cent you have while promising to provide plenty of delayed trains, buses and ''metros'' all throughout the year! It does so while trying to insert a dichotomy between the Laval area and Montreal area, most of all; because such a dichotomy did not exist for the longest time between Longueuil, the south shore that has had a metro station for years now, and Montreal. In other words, you could use the same ''titre de transport'' to access the metro stations, at least - the only dichotomy that made sense being the different bus companies. For example, you pay a Longueuil bus, you gain no transfert for the metro because it is, in fact, the Montreal metro. Then you can pay the metro but you gain transferts to all Montreal buses. If you have a monthly pass, you can hope it covers transportation fees for everything except the one external system: the Longueuil bus! However, nowadays, Laval is not like this: you hop on the metro, with your pass gaining you access, and you can go all the way to the Laval stations. Hey - free trip to Laval! But to come back the same way, your duly-paid for monthly pass will not work on any of the three METRO STATIONS in the territory of LAVAL. They, unlike the lone Longueuil station, are seen as property of Laval, not a mere extension (as it truly is) of the damnable Montreal metropolitan subway lines system! It makes no damn sense!!! But it is another ingenious way for the palindromic-inclined, more-than-just-slightly crooked city of Laval to take some more of your money: after all, those three measly stations cost a fortune to set up - literally an arm and a leg for the mayor, I am sure...
Both mayors, of Montreal and of Laval, have recently resigned amidst rampant rumors of corruption. They're actually more than mere rumors: they're formal complaints and accusations that have been levied against both of them. Seems like everyone and their cousin there are corrupted to the bone! Figures. Laval and Montreal are not North America's Sodom and Gommorah for nothing, you know...
(Vegas? Vegas is just a Babylon wannabe!)
Next!
=====================================================
Mad-Onna was thought to be a crazy egocentric ''witch-with-a-B'' when she asked for millions just to show up on the Plaines d'Abraham and sing for a Quawbeck crowd. How about the Rolling Stones who asked for 8 million bucks for the exact same gig - which is more than double than what the Mad One was asking for!
See, when you move like Jagger and actually are Jagger, you know better: you know, fully damn well, that Quawbeck is most definitely not the center of the universe! You know that it is an unnecessary detour on your otherwise pleasant travel plans. Hence, if they want you to bother coming there, they have to pay up! And if they don't want to cough up the big bucks, well, it's no show! Simple as that!
You recognize my trademark sarcasm in the above paragraph, do you not now?
For Jagger is an oaf, I tell you- most recently, he was one of the performers at the relief concert for victims of Hurricane Sandy - the famous 12/12/12 concert, set up on that date to ward off the end of the world, perhaps? It was supposed to be on the 21st anyway, not the 12th - morons! Anyways... Jagger had the moves all right that night, once again - but his tongue was sadly lacking, big time! No, not that way, you perverts! Groupies don't go for him like Marianne used to, not anymore! He's old - the Rolling Stones are old, ANCIENT! Yet they still wanna rock - pathetic. May no one dare to criticize Aerosmith as long as the Stones are still going at it - capisce? So, back to the Hurricane Sandy thing: Jagger had the total lack of tact and, even moreso, of brains to say that ''the next time it rains on London, it would be nice to have a concert like this, too'' - I paraphrase, okay? But the gist of it is here: he likened an HURRICANE to light rain, to a drizzle falling upon London! He displayed a complete lack of empathy to the plight of these people, making their ordeal sound as it was next to nothing... The worst of it all must be that there are many more like Jagger coming out of the woodwork: worthless wannabe rock stars who are completely clueless about things! Jagger has the excuse of being borderline senile nowadays: what's the new crop's excuse? Idiocy, plain and simple? Come to think of it, in his prime, Jagger was a complete idiot, too! Just ask Marianne Faithfull now - with hindsight being 20/20, she'll tell you...!
The bottom line here is this: you may want to be like Adam Levine an all those starry-eyed Quawbeck fans and wish to ''move like Jagger'' - the Jagger of old, surely... But you sure don't wanna talk like Jagger, then or now! Much less now!
Next!
=====================================================
It reads like a marquee match-up in some old concept WCW-WWe-TNA-NWA-ECW-nWo-AWA (but not FCW - because the FCW doesn't do) pay-per-view extravaganza(s):
Plank! versus Luminous!
Plank? Who or what is THAT?
Now, Luminous we know - that's what you should say, that is! 'Cause you're reading him - it's me, dammit! Who else?!?
But, yeah, seriously - we got into a situation, plankster and I, recently - we couldn't get along and had to get it on! At least this got much further than my ''tantric tryst with tribal tribade Lufisto'' - oh, what a brawl that could have been! But she didn't wanna... Dykey Coward! (Hey - D.C. again! I told you it's everywhere: it gets to be too much! But that's for that other blog; as promised!)
I love to write while listening to music, see? Or really... do you hear me?!? Or get where I'm coming from - at the very least! I am, in fact, listening to some pretty bizarre stuff while I am blogging these very lines - it explains everything, I'm sure... Anyhow... Here I am listening to some radio show on the net while penning my material - and there comes, literally out of nowhere (well, some of you might disagree, but to someone on this side of the big pond and in such close proximity to 21st Century cultural centers that are still shall we say relevant today, Manchester, UK is pretty much ''NOWHERE'' nowadays - OKAY? It's old world, it's isolated in a don't wanna-be-part-of-the-European-Union ugly way, it's a remnant of an old empire that should have never been, it's so archaic it still idolizes royalty as if they were pagan gods, it's out-of-touch with pretty much everything in the world TODAY! It's nowhere - case closed. Long digression over, too.) and, so, out of this NOWHERE comes this... music. And it inspires the Edgar Allan Poe that slumbers deep, way deep within me, a place seldom accessed inside of me, pushing me to get creative in a morbid kind of way - see? I decided to be nice - as a show of gratitude for this music that inspired my writing, so why not help bring more attention to that music in return? How better to do that than to whip up some introduction to it, I thought next, with the visuals that the music had conjured up and impressed upon my mind while I was listening to it, and post that on a widely-known site such as YouTube? I purposefully did it very quickly for two reasons, mainly: I had not vast amounts of time to waste being such an altruistic patron of the arts and I wanted it to be low-key, low-production values since the purpose was to make people want to listen to it, discover it, so then they would seek out the original recording instead. Mine was but an intro; the combination of the music (which was still very audible, don't worry! I'd say ''listen for yourself'' at this point - but it is now one of those videos strictly set to ''private'' - sorry!) and the images was the only true message I wanted to convey there: that combination was the only thing that mattered, really! If this neophyte band gets to gain a few more fans out of it all - hey, I was happy to help! But in no way was I out to get a free ride on their coattails - no way! I never pretended to produce music - I write! I can shoot the odd video, now and then, too... I act! But there hasn't been any attempt at producing music on my part other than songwriting - as a lyricist! Now, their music, as good as it may be, is devoid of any meaning at all if it has not the direction, the words and images as I can conjure up at a drop of a hat! The titles, alone, that they give their tracks strips every track of the slightest chance of achieving true significance, truth be told! Still, they have their fans and maybe they could have gotten some more right there... if the video had remained online, that is! However, now, after the exchange that we had, frontman Dave Vidd and I (Luminous Luciano - as if I needed to remind you?) I sincerely doubt that they deserve any more fans - at all! Ever!
For the dullard had the gall to focus strictly on the recording quality of the video that I whipped up, quickly and with zero intention of passing off as ''my music'' - and, when that silly accusation was handily discarded, it didn't rub off well and he was rude and idiotic on top of that! The only show of intelligence that he displayed was when he had enough common sense to delete all of his comments: alas, for him, I bothered to copy and paste the first flurry of them - just didn't bother to print screen. He got me so mad, I immediately replaced his music with another track randomly found on YouTube itself: the result is, actually, even better and made me think of dedicating it as an homage to the kids that were shot late December in Newtown, Connecticut.
Poor ''Dave Vidd'' never saw the connection...
This feud is now over, with me, myself and *I* the uncontested winner of it, of course, since I cleverly attacked the baddest marketing idea of all the ages (it had to come from Manchester): to go with the name ''Plank'' and affix to it an exclamation mark, to boot. Next to no one will ever bother to realize that they are honoring the memory of two music producers that they revere so damn much with this, or so they claim; and I do not know what is saddest there, really... That they revere their predecessors so, while they are unable to treat their contemporaries with respect even amidst civilized debate or that they lack any sort of imagination to come up with a better, far more commercial name!
And sadder still - it was with this incentive that I finally made use of all the toys on YouTube, to produce this unilateral message to the boys from Manchester - well, at least I assume they are boys...! (They could be misfit mutants, for all I know...)
Next!
=====================================================
There is something going on in the province of Quawbeck all year long, even when it is the dead of winter and there is nothing to do outside, to the naked eye... Me, I often choose to sit in and watch videos, get into arguments with the Dave Vidds of this world, write most of the time, watch a movie, listen to music in a myriad of ways... I can be found braving the cold too, though: as it is a challenge that I am always up to: fight off both the grimey aspects of a big town and the atrocious weather patterns it is constantly besieged with! And when visiting towns such as Montreal and Quebec City, you must be aware of all of these factors - up to the minute updates, too! Because they are so easily overwhelmed by the slightest gust of wind, ice rain or sleet - the littlest grumble from Mother Nature can totally incapacitate all urban activity, I'm telling you!!!
Still, if none of that scares you off, and you are stuck in this winter wasteland for whatever reason it may be, here are a few of the wastes of time that you can expect to falsely enliven your days - and nights;
Igloofest = Ugly pests! The weirdest creatures always come out at night and at these sort of things; this year it was themed after some sort of Viking or ancient warrior homage; everyone was to imagine they had gear like Norsemen or Ninja! The result was more of a poor man's Green Lantern (and he was already quite poor, Ryan Reynolds, poor guy: what was it again - dismal at the box-office, not even a blip on the radar charting DVD sales or even rentals, a ratings-bust as a cartoon too and not enough merchandising either? Ol' GL was a bomb universally, all over the globe! Seems like no joe on the planet thinks that wearing a ring that does everything for ya is the slightest bit... heroic. And to think that the pitch to sell this movie project and get the, er, green light for it, must have been ''it's Star Wars meets Lord of the Rings with just a hint of Iron Man in it! Or Batman - yeah, make it a hint of Battyman instead!'' Sheesh. Gotta feel bad for yet another D-C there! Not. GL can be proud though - his non-success still managed to impress and inspire the insipid, unimaginative and outright inept creative minds handling the marketing chores for that hideous igloofest thing up north! GL and Inuits alike - anyone who loves igloos, basically - can be proud indeed... Not.)
Now, do not think that the graphics were bad: the photos used to promote the ''unevent'' were well done and all... That may sound and look bad, but it was still a heck one heck of an improvement over last year's incredibly... queer colors. Just look at it and remember - it sure as heck is fair to compare when it comes to this sort of CRAP...
The 2013 super-heroes-like mascots of this so-called festival:
warriors three facing off with the elements, are we?
Guzzling down lots of Sapporo helps - a lot.
The 2012 igloo uglies were, shall we say... different?
Mutants, by any other name...
Two to one for the guys, too: another faux pas
that was corrected in 2013...
Unless the one in the middle is a she-male?
Also - I don't see these three drinking Sapporo...
La Nuit Blanche - again, if I am anywhere near downtown Montreal on March the 2nd, I probably will be tempted to stick around all night long baby - WOOOOO! Depending on various factors: if it is between 0¨C and -3¨C (and not -10 or worse!) and if there is no windchill factor to worry too much about (as they call it, it is ''le facteur éolien'' - always got a kick out of that old latin and Frenchy influence seen everywhere!) All night long is easily feasible - if we have bot been sleep-deprived all week leading to this date. Before I was ''Luminous Luciano'' (and, most probably, I was being luminous already: being a light in the night!) I was quite the night owl and would feel it to be a waste if I'd go to bed earlier than 3AM... (It's one of the reasons why the KLF's 3AM ETERNAL is one of my all-time favorite songs! The number 3 became *my* number, too! It's like Extreme said so well: there are always three sides to every story...! But we're digressing again - big, huge, humongous time!)
So, I'll be playing 3AM Eternal all night long during that ''white night'' - another sleepless night by any other name - and surely it will be time well wasted indeed - as it always is whenever we stop by Old Montreal...! (Peter Parker went there once, in the 60s - and he never went again! And now,.. he's dead! But Doc Ock uses his body. ugh! Marvel is just as bad as D-C, I tell you - if not much worse! So much for that latino-afro-American combo *new* Spider-Man that they had introduced months prior, in hopes of getting everyone in geekland represented, identifying with Spidey and satisfied...! The D-C cartel sucks, sure, but so does the Marvel conglomerate - big time! Both of them should have learned by now that their readership is down and it will never get back to where it used to be. Not even if they started transplanting brains into their writing and editorial staff, too... But I just digressed again - eh?)
Next!
=====================================================
And while we're on the subject of bone-chillling and flesh-freezing activities out in the cold...
Another sordid -if silly- aspect of the neverending ridiculous rivalry between Montreal and Quebec (that's Quebec City of course) could take shape in the never-before-seen clash between two considerably-less-than-titans that, nevertheless, represent each city so very well... Winter time brings about winter blues, eh? How about making the embodiments of those blues all black and blue all over - and beyond repair too? Let's go!!!
Bonhomme Carnaval versus Boule De Neige - jusqu'à la mort! Des deux!!!
(Lookalikes, impersonators and clones are all invited to be beaten down too!)
These clowns are hard to tell apart, aren't they:
topside is a clone from St-Edmond who got lucky;
then we have the real deal, hailing from QC;
he found a MILF (probably frigid)
and then we have the clone from Bécancour!
Which one will it be up against this:
Oh-oh - this one has brought some real back-up with him there!
Whatever those creatures are, they look feral indeed!
As if a polar bear needed help tearing apart
up to three snowmen...!
Of course, if the snowmen are
PURE ICE underneath, in that case...
He can use all the help he can get there;
especially the chick who's as cold as ice...
Quite frankly, this brawl-for-not-much-at-all
is getting too darn close to call here...!
Ouais, c'est ça -
inquiète-toi pas,
on va te la faire ta fête
dans les neiges sales
de Montréal!
This Bonhomme is more than a little queer;
we suspect him of having pedophilanimalistic
penchants, too...
Seems like the Devil itself has entered the conflict
and it has chosen sides already -
the frigid one.
Too easy.
Only Ronald is missing from this oddest of assemblages.
Makes me wonder about another, though:
where is Santa Claus in all this mess -
and what have they done to him?!?
Looks like the kind of GoodFella
(how else to translate BonHomme - eh?)
that would send you swim with the fishes
with your legs cast onto two blocks of ice!
Just saying...
And he brought some pals too -
the Green Men's cousin,
the Blue Effeminate Quebec Queer!
I'm liking this clone more and more, I think...
Poor Bonhomme Clone though -
he's going to get roughed up bad
by this bunch straight out of the roughest
-not to mention weirdest- neck of the woods...!
Boule de Neige's as much the great white mafioso
as the original B.C., see - as his entourage looks
downright scary...!
While all the Bonhomme has, really,
are cool glasses - and some
Princesses du Crapaval mistresses,
in his continued obsession to surpass
the debauchery of the REAL CARNIVAL -
the one in Rio De Janeiro!
However, he's waaaay overmatched by MTL's
one true set of BALLS there...
Oh, but wait a minute now -
the Bon Homme is not done surprising us yet!
Seems like he learned martial arts
and is ready to give as much as he gets!
If scrawny Jason Statham can kick a dozen asses
all by himself, surely hulking B.C. here
can do it, too...!
We may yet get our wish come true
and see ALL of these bozos
black'n'blue all over
by the end of all this!
Make that all of them in a pile
of gooey slush - that's the ticket!
;-)
Now does anyone know how to contact Ice Cube -
and if he's available to set this up... be the special guest referee?
=====================================================
Now the real Carnival is lindo - and it takes place in Rio, indeed! Not in some Godforsaken land of sleet, sluts, snow and hoes; noooooo! 'Tis a land in a far warmer climate, chock-full of cachaça, maracujas e rabeiras! Brazil! Or, rather, Brasil - sim, sim! No ''z's'' in there because if that other sleazy town up north is the ''city that never sleeps'' it goes twice more so for brimming hot Brasil, at the very least - Brasil, o pais do suingue!
But they say a picture speaks louder than a thousand words (or something - hey, blame it on the cachaça, okay?) - so here goes...
Oops - I think we crashed the wrong party here...
Shall we just... er... butt out?
Next!
=====================================================
And speaking of butts...
Obama delivers State of the Union address
That the one where he over-quotes ''the holy Quran'' like, a dozen times...? Or is it the one where he reasserts his belief that YES WE CAN... (Was it CAN'T all along though? Ah, ask Michelle, will ya...?)
Or is this the time when he finally reveals himself to be as evil as some purport that he is - and unmasks publicly, coming out as the Reptillian quite a few videos exposed him as (do have a look on the link provided, please: it is okay; it is YT!) or the reincarnated evil pharaoh (The Mummy! He's The Mummy! Somebody call Brendan Fraser - he's not doing much these days, he must be available to do something...!!! One thing's for sure: Dwayne ain't coming, that is for damn sure; he's too busy making millions at the expense of the millions and millions of gullible Rock fans that actually support him in TWO DISTINCTIVELY WORTHLESS, TOTALLY UNSUBSTANTIATED CAREERS! Only in Amer-ica... But that's another story.)
In short, Barack Obama always talks a lot (delivering what Ted Nugent qualified as -but I merely paraphrase here- a feel-good, cutesy-wootsy, we can do it and nothing's so wrong with the world as it is hogwash discourse) and, so, he never actually says too much at all; he just says enough to convince, to assuage, to pacify (in the sense of silencing, yes!)
He's a great politician, in that sense - just ask Mitt Romney!
Oh, and as with past years (say, the last twenty, to give but a round number?) the state of the union is... crap.
Because In Odd We Trusted - not in God.
And so we got what we had coming!
=====================================================
That's enough!!!
I'll ramble again... some other time.
'Nuff ramblin' - for now.
+++
Labels: Monotone, Montreal, Quash Quebec Time - again, Quebec specific post - again
posted by Luminous (\ô/) Luciano™ at 2:02 PM
I still cannot believe that Quawbeck has elected their first ever Madame Première Ministre - and to think that they used to have this as mere fiction, on a forgotten soap on Radio-Canada featuring the brunette from Deux Femmes En Or - Monique Mercure: doesn't ring the faintest bell whatsoever? Not surprising. Just imagine either Kim Hunter or Helena Bonham-Carter in their best roles; their simian roles; and you'll get a likeness, at least- of when and where Monique's character was a duly-elected top dog of l'Assemblée Nationale...! Or top bitch, as it was and as it is in reality now...! She was a ruthless, calculative, cold-hearted one who didn't stop from nothing in order to maintain her top spot! Well, flash-forward to 2012, the circumstances that allowed for this Pauline (not a brunette -but a BLONDE!) to squeeze in and seize power because the vote was divided between three equal poles of incompetence... well... that and that alone proves that reality is a hell of a lot stranger than fiction - especially in forlorn parts such as Quawbeck!
In truth, of course, Pauline is nothing more and nothing less than a diluted, extremely diluted version of Angela Merkel - duh! Angela would never have kissed students' rear ends in order to win their votes - she would have whipped their asses! Angela would rather spank than wank: the total opposite of Pauline with her new chou-chous Léo-Blouin and Gabriel Nadeau-style...! Angela is the Iron Lady Reborn: Pauline is nothing but a sad reject at the Margaret Thatcher Impersonation Night. Case closed!
Speaking of diluted... It was the 70th Annual Golden Globes crapfest earlier this year - er, I mean, ''ceremony'' - right! Sorry, jerks and assorted parasites from Glitzy Land: I call a ''ceremony'' something that is HOLY - a wedding, a baptism, any invocation of the Higher Power to bless, heal or sanctify us, mere mortals down here...! For, to call silly little meaningless trivial things such as these displays of exaggeration and extreme bad taste ''ceremonies'' is one of the many instances in which you bypass aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall common sense - you ninnies! And such nonsense must stop, at long last - now. Why now, you ask? Why, because it's the God-damned 70th such waste of time, you fools! Don't you think it's about time to diss all the nonsense and start anew, with greater values at the forefront, such as: true talent, honest effort, highest concern for veracity in the arts, with added emphasis on accuracy of the facts (when it is based on true stories) realism and higher standards for production values that would include, also, fair task and role distribution so that everyone, crew and ''stars'' alike, find their equal share of sufficient working hours and adequate remuneration in the whole process - hmm?
Alas, all these award crapfests focus on are the ephemeral: the hedonistic parade of the rich exploiteurs and their sex objects; pretty and not-so-pretty or wannabee-pretty; those who sell sex and, therefore, are very much agents provocateurs for the eye whenever they get a chance to expose themselves - yet again.
The entire exercise is always so futile anyways - for these ''globes'' are meant to reward the finest and the best, la crème de la crème from the world of entertainment - right? And yet - after the awards have all been distributed, this long after that (which is a mere few weeks for crying out loud!) - does anyone remember who won anything? No! Does anyone care about who won something, who was a mere nominee and who should have been? NO! All that people remember is the damn fluff: the glitz! It's a true testament to that right there indeed when people are still talking about J-Lo's nude dress so long after it was, er, ah, showcased on the red carpet there... It's all about the flesh that was shown here, the make-up job on that other one and the pairings that were reaffirmed, for a time, all for the show really... And nobody remembers nor gives a rat's a$$ about who were the nominees that night or even who won the darn things, ultimately...! And *this* is all so very much admired in Quawbeck, too: they watch with the total utmost fascination, their two feet squarely encased in the snow, and dream of being there, too, one day... Most of them won't -and they now it- so they've taken measures to ensure they'll get a simili-taste of it by creating their very own imitation of it; their very own utterly ridiculous ''star-system'' that gives them 10 bogus ''stars' per capita of 1000 ordinary citizens! Overkill. They like the naked flesh too, but it's so cold that they have to restrain themselves all the time... The Dress Nazi can be heard saying: ''no nude dresses for you, Mitsou!'' - while J-Lo and the upper class of whoredom have no such problems, ever...
Sue me, willya?
Next!
My blog = my ramblings = my rules! That is, pretty damn much, the bottom line around here! And so I would truly be remiss if I didn't add a fourth topic this time out in order to focus upon the cousins of le Culbec: the original French Frogs, les conards de la Marseillaise, os asnos de l'Alsace e los stronzos de La Lorraine... et j'ai nommé la France!
After opening a new aisle devoted to cartoon ''art'' within the hallowed halls of le Louvre in the worst of times - displaying therefore, the worst of timings and total lack of doigté (fancy french for plain old tactfulness) since it was amidst the latest wave of radical Islam's violent reactions to whomever dares to render the likeness of their prophet in cartoon form... Now, as if that poor judgement call wasn't enough, another one, still artistic in nature: a bronze statue of Zidane immortalizing the disgraceful act he committed on the grandest stage of all (as far as European football -the only REAL football- can possibly go, that, at least, is for sure) ... That's right: the time when he head-butted Italia's Marco in the upper chest, during the Grand Finale of the World Cup? When France got there through the backdoor, only because the referee allowed them to be as they should have lost their previous game, the semi-final against a far superior team: Luis Figo's Portugal Selecçâo? Yeah - that time! And now there's a statue immortalizing this, right in front of Le Pompidou (pompe, pompe itou? Pom-Pom et tout? Whatever the hell it is - it wasn't about this God-forsaken place that Marilyn was singing anyway - was it?!? Ask the Kennedys...!)
I call all the pigeons to unite - in desecrating this abomination in (I only assume) marble!
French Frogs - you have absolutely no taste in art!
Maybe that is why even le Fantôme du Louvre has deserted you...
(Hmm... were the Fantôme and Depardieu one and the same?!? Wow - could very well be!!! But that's another story...)
All Europeans are as appalled by these questionable unveilings in Paris as I am - see for yourselves now...