R.I.B. - Ramblings In Brief - Fifth Estate Edition

Too many annoyances out there - too much crap all over the place - to promptly attend to, really... And why bother dealing with any of it in depth either? Thus, we chose to adopt the expeditive and most efficient method, permanently: blast it all to pieces piece by piece, take no prisoners, spare no one! But doing so in a less painful way, with little doses at a time! Now don't get us wrong here: in doing so, we do not hope that it will be less painful for everyone involved - at all! Au contraire, we hope it will sting, stab, bite and burn even more furiously since none of these topics (with one glaring exception now and then, really - but, to be honest, there are so few of those it makes one want to cry, really...! But that is another story.) hence, none of these stories deserved or was dignified with a full post to call its own anywhere else on the TLB Prime Network - at blogging time, that is!

So here we go again...
MORE R.I.B. - RAMBLINGS IN BRIEF!

(And, before we go any further - NO, this has nothing to do with the blameable CBC's Fifth Estate, at all! Why, that poorman's attempt at having a 60 Minutes of significance with 20/20 insight...! COME ON! I am quite simply in my fifth level of tolerance right now, at blogging time, that's all! OKAY? GOOD. HERE: THIS FIFTH ESTATE REFLECTS MY MOOD A TAD BETTER THAN THE CBC EVER COULD!)

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Soooooooooooo... Today's a Friday.
T.G.I.F. - EH?
Oh, wait a minute now - it's a 13th! It's one of those infamous Friday The 13ths thingies!!! (Screams - chaos - and... SNAP!)

So much for T.G.I.Fs right there.

And so much for... 2012 as well?

It must have happened countless times before, but the fact that it happens now, in the ominous 2012, with all its baggage of rumours, pseudo-prophecies and quasi-semi-urban legends too, it truly makes one pause and wonder here that the first month of this ominous 2012 has a Friday the 13th in it.

Could there be something to this?
Could there be some truth to all this?
Could you possibly conceive that a bunch of savages that have vanished off the face of the Earth because they sacrificed every single one of their own to the point of self-extinction - could these bozos have actually been ON to something there?!?

Highly unlikely.

Next!

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You can always try and seek refuge from all the doom and gloom of the year 2012 out there by watching a MOVIE, maybe, hmm?

It is true that they no longer make flicks about that blasted wretch named Jason... Jason Voorhees, right? But still - where one creep once stood with all his sequels, each worse than the previous, now stand half-a-dozen clods with a succession of ill-advised remakes, so - are we better off for it, really?

So, watching a movie can help, do you seriously think that?

All I could say about that at this time is - GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ENDEAVOUR!

The movies being served up as escapism these days are either one of two extremes that may truly be proven to be totally inadequate in soothing any spirits at all.

First there's pure (and impure) fantasy-fare that is simply so out there, so unbelievable, so otherworldly, that it will immediately fail to provide any escapism at all to anyone bitter, hardened by the real, cold, cruel world, anyone who has seen it all (or thinks that they might have already) and will not take it anymore and just wants to open a window and shout "I am fed up, I have had enough and I WILL NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

And that category of peeps has been scientifically proven to be 99% of the population. Numbers DON'T lie - politicians, lawyers and quacks do (in that order, probably, too - for you will most probably have to deal with their folk in that order too; but that is another story...)

And sooooooo...
Movies with too much imagination will irremediably fail to astonish, astound, exalt an audience that is so blasé with it all. Scorsese chose his time extremely poorly to go all "Hugo" on us all. Spielberg could have forgotten about Tintin as he forgot about that nice Jewish schoolgirl of his adolescent dreams, lo, many years ago at Torah class. And Lanctôt, though clearly more down-to-earth and far less fantaisiste than any otehr big-time (and true) directorial talent out there on the globe, could have skipped the whole creative process that made her revisit her sinful youth chock-full of impure thoughts directed straight (or not-so-straight) at her teaching nun and simply gone to confession instead of committing to (another piece of rotten) celluloid her memories of just how awkward her formative years really were...

The other extreme seen as a tendency in Hollywood, these past few dreadful and dismal -at the box-office as well as on the creative front- years (and some might say decades) are... ACTION! Not as in "Lights, Camera, Action!" but really as in "Mindless, sometimes Chaotic/Apocalyptic ACTION!"

And so, after Contagion, we get Contraband with Mr. Wahlburger.
After 300, we get more zombified antique soldier drones in Immortals or the upcoming Clash of the Titans II...!!! (My God - and I do mean God, not Zeus - no one ever thought of making a sequel to the dreadful original starring Harry Hamlin as Perseus! And THAT one had great special effects, at least, by the late, great Ray Harryhausen! Plus actual thespians like Laurence Olivier, Claire Bloom and Burgess Meredith were in it, too! THEY were not worthy of an encore but the remake cast IS? MY GOD!!! The Tinseltown bogus deities are so cruel... But that is another story, too...

And, what else...? Ah yes...
After 2012 - the movie! Entirely based upon Mayan so-called "prophecy" enhanced by some modern theories, seismological projections and some hearsay too - we shall be getting... an UNDERWORLD - AWAKENING!
That makes absolute sense too.

Sherlock Holmes is being beaten at the box-office - not by some Victorian ruffian with a mere passing penchant for thuggery or just any megalomaniac with sudden -not to mention surprising- knowledge of kung-fu but by... Tom Cruise?!?

But it doesn't end there - BOTH Cruise and Downey Jr are being beaten to a pulp by... THE DEVIL! For this flick is reaching out and grabbing (by the throat, one presumes) its audience, a bigger audience than the IMF and Scotland Yard's private help ever could garner for themselves (for a single week's totals, anyhow.)

When it gets to this point - when even the Evil One is at the pinnacle of box-office entries and business, therefore proving its hold on Hollywood and all that pertains to it, there can be no doubt indeed: you will not find peace, solace or anything good at the movies, you poor child!

But all this talk about movies (and Holmes, in particular - the sleuth rather than the slut, er, devil!) brings to mind something else that shall be dealt with therefore ASAP... (For we deal with threes here, don't we? Hence, this rounds it all up for another instalment of R.I.B. here - hurray!)

And so... Next!

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Let it be said, loud and clear now... Hans Zimmer is a hack job artist.

Yes he is!

I had my suspicions raised ever higher with each new composition, from Madagascar to the wretched Dan Brown feces (what an appropriate connection there, don't you agree?)

It grew worse and worse with each Inception, Pirates of the Caribbean and other big time Hollywood contracts we would get!

And then he got game - even that - with Modern Warfare!

But how can it be that no one has seen it yet - or heard through it, listened through his schemes which are passed off as original composing but are clearly NOT. On which planet are you, people? Haven't you heard that there is nothing new under the sun anymore - everything is rehashed, one way or another?

And so you probably need proof, you require evidence in order to finally SEE THE TRUTH! Eh? EH? FINE! You're gonna get it, right here and now!

Listen up - listen up closely now! First play the music below, the soundtrack composed for the end credits (but not only that) of Guy Ritchie's perversion of Sherlock Holmes:



Only fair that a bunch of kids perverted it as well, using it for their own little project, seen on the screen above! (Hey - not my fault that all the peeps who did illegally upload the actual end credits of Holmes, the 2009 movie, just for the music and the paper mattes effects I assume, made it all unembeddable! Damn those elitists! But I digress...)

Now people have said of Zimmer "oh, what a genius" - as if he reinvented the wheel.

Did he? Did he reinvent the wheel there or on any soundtrack that he has worked on since, say, Crimson Tide or something? Well... no.

But he certainly did not invent anything - in fact, all he can most assuredly be labeled as is "a great successor" in the best case-scenario; a "great imitator" also...

He copies the works of the greats well - aye, he does!
Greats such as Morricone - aye, Ennio Morricone!
Ennio was making music for films when Hans was not in diapers but still nothing more than a gleam in either his father or mother's lustful eyes! Ennio was the MAN when Hans was nothing but a spermatozoid facing non-exitence if the timing was just off by a fraction of a milli-second! Ennio is a composer - Hans is a hacker!

And here is the evidence: true extract of a film that was scored by Morricone in 1972, a film extract (the opening sequence, not the ending, by sharp contrast) that is, amazingly enough, totally embeddable, unlike the Holmes crap earlier! Here it is:



All that Zimmer did here was copy Morricone's Bluebeard theme, spice it up with a just hint, just a feel of The Wild, Wild West (at Ritchie's express request, I am sure) - et voilà!

And if one searched, took the time and ferreted out all the other direct influences, I am sure one would unearth astonishing similarities between Zimmer's other "compositions" and the works of greats such as Jarre, Herrmann, Bernstein and so on...!

No one reinvents the wheel - not Zimmer, not anyone!

One can only call Hans, from this day forth, Hans The Hacker Zimmer!
I have spoken! Or blogged, at any rate!

You heard it -read it, really- all here first, folksies!

Spread the word!

Now - scram!