Ramblings In Brief

Too many annoyances out there - too much crap all over the place - to promptly attend to, really... And why bother dealing with any of it in depth either? Thus, we chose to adopt the expeditive and most efficient method, this time out: blast it all to pieces piece by piece! Now don't get us wrong here: in doing so, we do not hope that it will be less painful for everyone involved - at all! Au contraire, we hope it will sting, stab, bite and burn even more furiously since none of these topics (with one glaring blue exception, really, to be honest - blue with blond fur, these days) deserved or was dignified with a full post to call its own...

Here goes...

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I cannot believe that crummy Warner Bros company; they've partnered with Rocksteady to release an umpteenth game about Batty - featuring an umpteenth battle between Batty and the Joker (plus a few dozens of his cronies, of course.)

Sweet Lord Almighty - hasn't this crap been done to death already? Is that all you can ever conceive of, God-damn DC?!? Batty-Batty-Batty - you would be lost without Batty! Methinks, of course, that you are seriously batty in the head yourselves - all the powers-that-be at DC (the DC P-T-B S-O-Bs as I call them) and the fans such as this guy on YouTube that commented here so proudly that he actually fell for it and pre-ordered the lousy game just as DC wanted him to! Can you be any more sheepish, any more brain-washed... any more batty? No, you can't - the only thing worse than this sad, sorry, pathetic state is to be one of them Marvel Zombies; and we won't get into that now (not just yet, I should say...?)

Still, there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon (and a train heading towards the DC P-T-B S-O-Bs in their dark tunnel that they dug up for the Dark Knight to escape from the critics...!) - out of all the potential suckers for this latest batty entreprise, very few have actually bitten, heck even bothered to give any attention at all. YouTube "accounts" such as this one made up to promote Batty's latest gamey, usually attract much more attention than the puny 180,000 page views that it has gotten so far. Other such pages easily get two, three, five million views within the same timespan! Batty-attention is at an all-time low: and it is about time too! Maybe the pathetic DC P-T-B S-O-Bs will finally see the light and move away from mildew-laden caves, vampire bat-infested darkness an other such pseudo-gothic landscapes - and then they might finally review their entire catalog of characters and give several of them a chance, at long last!

But enough about this sith! (And I do mean SITH - for if Batty was a Star Wars character, he'd be a Sith alright! What a joy to see a Jedi decapitate him! What's good for Dracula is good for the "Caped Crusader" too! But I am digressing -and maundering- now...)

Next!

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What is this other crap now:


Forget about the Greeks, Portuguese, Irish and their ilk...


The situation is so bad in Europe;
even the Smurfs are revolting now...

We caught (up with - or just caught, really) one and here is what the little blue runt had to say for itself:

"I smurf - therefore I am!
And what does all this smurfing around do for me?
Nada! Zilch! Nothing at all!
Smurfland still gets no U.N. recognition!
We get a lousy americanized crappy movie treatment
complete with an unknown chick and a queer as co-stars!
The biggest talent was the guy cast as Gargamel, for smurfing out loud!!!
What is this smurfing crap?!?
The CGI was better done when it came time to give life to that infernal cat than to animate the comatose Papa Smurf of that Smurfette bitch...!
On top of that, talks are already underway for further censorship come the sequel: they say that a Purple Smurf Plague is too touchy because PSP invokes PMS is some weird smurfing way...!?! Arrrrrggghhhhh!!! We changed it already from the Black Smurf Plague (like you humans never had a Black Plague, noooooooo...) and now even the Color Purple is off limits? What is the smurf going on - who do you really fear will sue? Spielberg? PlayStationPortable Sony Gamer nerds? Who,WHO?!?
And speaking of Spielberg...
That creep gave life to E.T. and now he wants to make some sort of ballooned-up rubber version of TINTIN... WHY NOT US, STEVIE?!?
The Smurfs are not good enough for ya, you big smurfing goofball? Why did you let these morons handle our movie?!? All they did was the same smurfing shit that all the other guys have done with famed -or defamed- pop culture properties before: stuff them through an improbable space-time portal so that they land in... NEW YORK. Why does it ALWAYS have to be NEW YORK?!? Smurfs are smurfingly happy in their village! They do not want a noisy, polluted, infested with a million diseases metropolis where evil reigns!!! Gargamel likes New York - him and his darn cat! BUT NOT US - NOT THE SMURFS!!! And after this lousy smurfing flick, we have to put up with all the European constraints, austerity, a smurfing Euro, delayed entry into both the Union as the U.N. - ENOUGH!!!
You think you've had problems with some of your people hiding bombs in their headdress or something? Wait 'til the Smurfs get started! YOU'LL NEVER SEE US COMING - AND YOU'LL NEVER STOP A SINGLE ONE OF US BEFORE WE BLOW YOUR SORRY OVERSIZED SMURFING ASSES OUT OF OUR WAY!!!
Remember the queer's words in the movie: don't let yourself get fooled by our cutesy innocent smurfs!
No one stops the Smurfs - NO ONE!"


We've been notified, methinks...

Next!

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And what in blue blazes (er, perhaps I should rephrase that?) is going on HERE:


That silly daily rag and waste of paper Metro had some kind of passing fit of originality run through their veins - and it begat this:



2020 being too close, they thought that, in order to get really futuristic, they'd target 2030 as the ideal time in which budding journalists could truly get creative (for once) and imagine what might come to transpire eventually...

The usual drivel ensued: some cloning, some dreamed for (but never to come true) sports events, some senseless war between the United States and Canada... over water, nothing less!

And the worst thing is, this drivel got published, both online as on paper (an abridged version for the latter, mercifully - but still!)

Now, I was abroad when all this nonsense was happening and, had I been in one of the townships (!) that houses Metro, I would have surely participated in the sad process - if only to show them up in their pathetic lack of scope and imagination!

For they fail in every way: they keep the same celebrities in the limelight in their silly "20 years later" predictions... Even Alexandre Dumas had more going on (specifically more characters entering the fray) twenty years later than these morons! The most imaginative bit had Justin Trudeau becoming Prime Minister of Canada - but his counterpart in the U.S. was "President Sarah Palin!! How idiotic and unimaginative can you be to fail to recognize that this woman is but the flavour of the day and that she will be long forgotten and completely out of the spotlight if the world keeps turning another twenty years...?!? Of course, Canadians are dumb enough to elect Justin as P.M. - there is no doubt about that. And Americans have already proven how dumb they are, having elected Dubya TWICE. But anyone with half a brain knows that, if the USA elects a woman one day (on the eve of Armageddon, let's say...) it will either be a butch (Michelle Bachman) or a full-fledged dyke (Hilary) NOT A BIMBO LIKE PALIN! COME ON!!!

Other predictions were straight out of Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon - while most were eco-based (and quite sad) or simply geo-political wishful thinking...

Now if I had to have sent in a text - a brief newsflash sort of thing - it would have been something like THIS:


LONDON - At 7pm, Greenwich Mean Time, the established new order issued a statement through a committee specifically appointed for this task. The statement made clear that a New Earth is about to be established and that things will be extremely different from what they used to be.

In the statement, several demotions were announced as many pastors and self-appointed leaders were revealed to be no more than what classical liturgy refers to as "false prophets". More and more, each day, as this New Reign is established, it becomes increasingly clear which teaching was the True one and which course humanity is set to take at this all-important conjuncture in its history.

The new order has been in place since July of last year, when the Son of God Returned and put an end to a billion political careers and twice as many individuals' lives, all of which await Final Judgment in the core of the planet as documented by several news teams permitted to send in film crews with angelic escort.

The committee promised to issue further details when they are available.


Now do you think such morons as the Metro readers would even READ the whole piece through here...?!?

Do you think such a piece would have had a chance -a snowball's chance in hell- of winning ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL in such a puny itty bitty "contest" - EH?!?

Two words: WHY BOTHER.

I'd rather post it here - publish it myself!

And see the comments flow in - comments I will not dignify with publication! Bwah-ha-ha: see if you like it when the tables have been turned, publeechers!

And that's enough rambling in writ - for now!